So Glad You Asked

by prettybluebirds

"Hello?"

"Good morning, this is Live Forever Life Insurance. Is Mrs. Jones there?"

"Yes, this is Mrs. Jones, but I'm not interested ..."

"Mrs. Jones, how are you today? I have a deal on life insurance you can't beat anywhere."

"How am I today? Oh, not so good! My stomach's acting up. I've been to the doctor a hundred times. He finally sent me to a specialist, and the specialist, well, do you know what he told me?"

"Uh, no."

"He said it's because of the other medication I take for nerves. I got terrible nerves, just terrible! Ever since that thing with the laxatives, you know. I get upset easily, too. It doesn't take much to upset me. I also have trouble with my liver; it shifts! I tell you, just bending over is an ordeal, and you know what else?"

"Mrs. Jones, if I could ..."

"My back, my back feels like it could go any day now. The pain is awful. Have you ever had sciatic nerve pain? Let me tell you; it's almost unbearable at times. I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings, which is bad because I have a weak bladder, and when I have to pee, I have to pee NOW! Do you know what I mean?

"Well, I ..."

"On top of that, I have irritable bowel syndrome, and things get messy when I don't get to the bathroom in time. I have to wear diapers like a baby. Do you know how that makes me feel? Not good, I'll tell you."

"Umm ..."

"If it weren't for my kitty, I'd go MAD!! Come here, sweetheart, and say hello to the nice man. Would you like to say hello to my kitty, Blossom? What did you say your name was? Hello, hello?"

"He, he, sometimes I really enjoy telephone solicitors, Blossom."

"Meow"

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Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry