Jess was my first-born grandchild and immediately upon seeing her on November 5, 1985, she became a part of my heart.  She filled a hole I did not know I had, but one aching to be filled.

Fast forward to about her age 3 or so.  She is at my house and so full of energy that I am exhausted.  I said to her, “Jess, please go to your room --of course, she had a room at my house; don’t all grandchildren-- and stay there until I ask you to come out.”  

Jess was not perturbed or upset; she just walked into her room and closed the door.  About ten minutes later, she opened it and called down the hall.

“Are you calm now, Grandma?”  

Of course, I just laughed.  “Come on out, Jess.” 

Jess equated being sent to her room as solving my problem – not as any sort of punishment or evaluation of her behavior.

Shortly after her sixteenth birthday, she told us all she wanted to go to Australia as an exchange student for a year.  That was not news that pleased me, but I didn’t say much.  Her mom did not want her to go as well but knowing that a ‘No’ to Jess was not a pleasant thing, she took a proper parental approach.  She told Jess that if she could arrange everything on her own from sponsorship to living arrangements to passport, then her parents would pick up any material costs. 

Her mom had done a bit of research and felt certain that a sixteen-year-old could not manage the deal alone.  Jess’ passport, the last needed item, arrived by Fed Ex as we were getting in the car to take Jess to the airport to begin her Australian adventure.  She did everything by herself up to and including a part-time job working on a ranch in Australia.

At Christmas, 2021, I simply did not feel like hosting the normal family Christmas morning, consisting of about thirty people for breakfast and an all day gift-opening, eating, talking family time.  It is a tradition I love, but I was tired.  I asked my daughter if she could do it in my behalf.  Just hours later, I had a call from Jess – now living in Ohio.

“Grandma.  I will come directly to your house the day before Christmas Eve.  I will do all decorations,  getting them out of the attic and including the tree, and I will take everything down and repack it before I leave town.  We will order breakfast from Panera Bread.  I will do everything so our family can be together.  You can just be calm."

So, we have come full circle. 

Watching Jess grow into the beautiful young woman she is today has been a huge blessing.  Grandparents have the advantage of no parental worry or responsibility.  I saw a little girl with a personality a lot like mine and maybe even more like her mom's.  As a parent, I worried about her mom almost from day one because she was headstrong and determined to ‘do it her way’.  I thought my job was to solve the issues, to make the problems go away, to be in control.  Teenage years were difficult for my daughter and for me. 

With Jess, they were a blessing.  When she had the same challenges her mom experienced as a teenager, Jess had a safe haven, a place to go, a place to talk....   Jess had me, a place of calm....  I knew everything would work out because I had seen it twice – in myself and in my daughter, who is one of my greatest friends and allies today.

Recently, I attended Jess' wedding in Ohio.  That’s her in the picture accompanying this story.  She now lives on her own horse ranch, boarding horses, training horses and working with kids.  She is active in using equine therapy for children with challenges and it continues to be a joy to watch Jess grow and to have her in my life.

In a way, grandchildren allow grandparents to see that they themselves have done okay in the childrearing department!