| Writing Non-Fiction posted May 5, 2022 |
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a piece of the action
Show, Don't Tell - part VI
by giraffmang
There are lots of advice out there for writers and sometimes it’s hard to sift through all the conflicting opinions. I remember being told that if it doesn’t service the plot or move things forward then it has to go. It sounds like good advice and it certainly is when it comes to flash fiction (generally speaking, of course!).
But, there’s a problem with this approach. When this technique is employed, there is a tendency to rush through the scene. Here’s a few paragraphs about where the characters were, a bit of dialogue about the essential things to get them to where they needed to be and… end of scene.
This does service the story in some ways. It helps to convey the plot and move it forward. Plot points get checked off, characters travel from location to location, and the dialogue meets its intended purpose. On paper, all the marks are hit.
The problem, however, is that the scenes end up feeling more like outline notes than an actual story. This happened, that happened. He said, she said. Why does this occur? A lack of action.
This doesn’t mean you liberally strew the story with fight scenes and car chases. Action, in this context, is any movement that, along with dialogue, is the foundation for the propulsion of the scenes (such as the use of body language as shown in part V).
Character Moods & Movements.
Action, when used well, can reveal a multitude of things from character relationships, to setting, and plot points. Observe the difference in the following two sentences.
Jim made Ruth feel uncomfortable.
Ruth flinched away as Jim went to lay a hand on her shoulder.
Both sentences convey the same basic information but look how powerful the second is compared to the first; it conveys a plot point, feelings, and establishes the kind of relationship Jim & Ruth may have.
The previous instalment spoke about body language, but ‘action’ goes much further than just that one aspect. Character movement is a powerful tool to be employed by the writer.
The following sentence is from Katherine Addison’s ‘The Goblin Emperor’.
‘The door opened with savage abruptness, and Setheris stood in the opening, glaring.’
In this instance the reader is not told how Setheris is standing but they don’t need to be. The character’s actions deliver this without the need for added description. He’s obviously very pissed off at whoever, or whatever, is on the other side of the door.
Action doesn’t just apply to the characters either.
Enemy armies gathering on the outskirts of a besieged city can bring a sense of foreboding.
The ‘final boarding’ call in a busy airport can induce anxiety in a late-running traveller.
Consider the opening lines of Rakesh Satyal’s ‘No One Can Pronounce My Name’:
‘Harit descended the rubber-coated stairs of the bus and tripped as he jumped to the sidewalk below. He turned around to see if anyone had noticed, but the bus was already pulling away, leaving a dispersing cloud of smoke and people.’
Harit’s movements give us clues as to his personality – clumsy, bothered about what other’s think of him, possibly a bit of a dreamer – but there’s more here to determine. The world’s response to Harit is one of indifference. No one is paying any attention to him, despite his fears. The only reactions to Harit’s actions are from the reader. In just these two lines, a few critical aspects of Harit’s arc as a character can be inferred.
When working on your own story, keep the movements of your setting and your characters in mind. How can you convey indifference, lust, or greed through how they move about the world?
But remember to not go overboard with action. Not everything needs to be described in minute detail. For example, picking up a glass at dinner. Does the action carry further meaning?
Have a look through some of your recent pieces and see where you could flesh things out with some meaningful action, adding to the story rather than distracting.
There are lots of advice out there for writers and sometimes it’s hard to sift through all the conflicting opinions. I remember being told that if it doesn’t service the plot or move things forward then it has to go. It sounds like good advice and it certainly is when it comes to flash fiction (generally speaking, of course!).
But, there’s a problem with this approach. When this technique is employed, there is a tendency to rush through the scene. Here’s a few paragraphs about where the characters were, a bit of dialogue about the essential things to get them to where they needed to be and… end of scene.
This does service the story in some ways. It helps to convey the plot and move it forward. Plot points get checked off, characters travel from location to location, and the dialogue meets its intended purpose. On paper, all the marks are hit.
The problem, however, is that the scenes end up feeling more like outline notes than an actual story. This happened, that happened. He said, she said. Why does this occur? A lack of action.
This doesn’t mean you liberally strew the story with fight scenes and car chases. Action, in this context, is any movement that, along with dialogue, is the foundation for the propulsion of the scenes (such as the use of body language as shown in part V).
Character Moods & Movements.
Action, when used well, can reveal a multitude of things from character relationships, to setting, and plot points. Observe the difference in the following two sentences.
Jim made Ruth feel uncomfortable.
Ruth flinched away as Jim went to lay a hand on her shoulder.
Both sentences convey the same basic information but look how powerful the second is compared to the first; it conveys a plot point, feelings, and establishes the kind of relationship Jim & Ruth may have.
The previous instalment spoke about body language, but ‘action’ goes much further than just that one aspect. Character movement is a powerful tool to be employed by the writer.
The following sentence is from Katherine Addison’s ‘The Goblin Emperor’.
‘The door opened with savage abruptness, and Setheris stood in the opening, glaring.’
In this instance the reader is not told how Setheris is standing but they don’t need to be. The character’s actions deliver this without the need for added description. He’s obviously very pissed off at whoever, or whatever, is on the other side of the door.
Action doesn’t just apply to the characters either.
Enemy armies gathering on the outskirts of a besieged city can bring a sense of foreboding.
The ‘final boarding’ call in a busy airport can induce anxiety in a late-running traveller.
Consider the opening lines of Rakesh Satyal’s ‘No One Can Pronounce My Name’:
‘Harit descended the rubber-coated stairs of the bus and tripped as he jumped to the sidewalk below. He turned around to see if anyone had noticed, but the bus was already pulling away, leaving a dispersing cloud of smoke and people.’
Harit’s movements give us clues as to his personality – clumsy, bothered about what other’s think of him, possibly a bit of a dreamer – but there’s more here to determine. The world’s response to Harit is one of indifference. No one is paying any attention to him, despite his fears. The only reactions to Harit’s actions are from the reader. In just these two lines, a few critical aspects of Harit’s arc as a character can be inferred.
When working on your own story, keep the movements of your setting and your characters in mind. How can you convey indifference, lust, or greed through how they move about the world?
But remember to not go overboard with action. Not everything needs to be described in minute detail. For example, picking up a glass at dinner. Does the action carry further meaning?
Have a look through some of your recent pieces and see where you could flesh things out with some meaningful action, adding to the story rather than distracting.
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