Would You Look at That?
A Mindy & Chloe Story30 total reviews
Comment from Little Miss History
Okay, you have me hooked. I want to find out what happens next. What is the target age group for your story? Are you planning a chapter book? I am always in favor of expanding a child's vocabulary, but some of the words you use are very difficult...like exasperated. That is a hard one to figure out by context alone. How much illustration are you planning to add? All of these are important considerations to know before I could comment on overall planning.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Okay, you have me hooked. I want to find out what happens next. What is the target age group for your story? Are you planning a chapter book? I am always in favor of expanding a child's vocabulary, but some of the words you use are very difficult...like exasperated. That is a hard one to figure out by context alone. How much illustration are you planning to add? All of these are important considerations to know before I could comment on overall planning.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I haven't written part two because I started writing with other animal chatector's. I to feel its imperative to throw done challenging words into the mix. Parents can explain when reading or kids can look it up.
Thanks for stopping by. John
Comment from karlanda
Nice story but it is overdone. I like the critters. Children like stories with animals. I do have to add though,children do not talk like this. Marriage and relationships are not some thing they go outside looking for. You have to write, like a child talks. You have a cute story just needs a better intro. Reads more like a cartoon then a child book.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Nice story but it is overdone. I like the critters. Children like stories with animals. I do have to add though,children do not talk like this. Marriage and relationships are not some thing they go outside looking for. You have to write, like a child talks. You have a cute story just needs a better intro. Reads more like a cartoon then a child book.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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I deleted my real response... So thank you very much for a generous well thought out review. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Lady Mar
I can see how the rhyme scheme would appeal to kids. Reminds me of the classic children's stories. I think the descriptions of the characters are a bit overdone.
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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I can see how the rhyme scheme would appeal to kids. Reminds me of the classic children's stories. I think the descriptions of the characters are a bit overdone.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Three stars... You just signed up for FanStory, did you even bother to read the reviewing guidelines. Before you review my work , LEARN about reviewing!!!!!!
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello Jmdg1954. Very delightful and clear children't story. I admire the formatting which made the read easy and interesting. Good picture you attached too. No Spag to report. Good work and I look forward to reading more of your work. Cheers.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2013
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Hello Jmdg1954. Very delightful and clear children't story. I admire the formatting which made the read easy and interesting. Good picture you attached too. No Spag to report. Good work and I look forward to reading more of your work. Cheers.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2013
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Benjamin, thank you for the generous rating and wonderful review. I very much appreciate it. I have read your profile and see you are well versed in the English language. Can I ask you questions from time to time?
Thanks... John
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Hi John. You are most certainly welcome and of course, do keep in touch. Cheers.
Comment from jlsavell
jmdg1954, wish I had a six for this wonderful story. I can see why it got nominated. Sheer brilliance. Cohesivness perfect. Totally entertaining, cannot wait to read the next part. Best wishes in the contest.. loved every word of it... jlsavell
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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jmdg1954, wish I had a six for this wonderful story. I can see why it got nominated. Sheer brilliance. Cohesivness perfect. Totally entertaining, cannot wait to read the next part. Best wishes in the contest.. loved every word of it... jlsavell
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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Wow... Thank you jl, I appreciate your stopping by to read and those fabulous remarks just made my day. I'm working on the second part but I got stuck, briefly I expect. Took a day or two from it. Again, thanks a bunch... John
Comment from deb552
John this is wonderful; truly it is! It's a great children's story that adults can enjoy as well which is a plus when parents are the ones doing the reading. I really only have one suggestion which is totally minor, and that's to say 'he said, trying to fill a vow,' instead of 'he told me.' See I told it was minor. Otherwise, I think you've nailed the dialogue, the narration and the rhyming!!!! WELL DONE!!!! Keep going with this my friend, capiche?!!!! (did I spell that right?) Well you get what I'm saying! :-) deb
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2013
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John this is wonderful; truly it is! It's a great children's story that adults can enjoy as well which is a plus when parents are the ones doing the reading. I really only have one suggestion which is totally minor, and that's to say 'he said, trying to fill a vow,' instead of 'he told me.' See I told it was minor. Otherwise, I think you've nailed the dialogue, the narration and the rhyming!!!! WELL DONE!!!! Keep going with this my friend, capiche?!!!! (did I spell that right?) Well you get what I'm saying! :-) deb
Comment Written 02-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2013
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Thanks s bunch Deb... Capish!! I enjoyed writing it. Now I have to work on part two which will feature more Chloe. Although she doesn't speak in rhymes... You'll have to wait and see.
I appreciate your reading it for me. Thsnks for the suggestion. You're the best!!
JohnnyD
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First of all you Italians need to decide if it's capiche or capish cos i'm finding it both ways.....LOL! Second of all, you my friend are pretty damn GREAT yourself! And last but not least, your story was such fun, I'm glad you're continuing with it. I personally would love to be reading it to Jax, when he is at a point where he'll sit down long enough for me to. Now that the kid has discovered he's got legs, he's all over the place!
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
I love the art work. I have a friend that has done a children's book but has no artist and no money. God will work it out, that's His department. She's busy caring for her 90 year old mother 24.7.
This is really a cute story. I've never written children's stories so I'm not much help. But, I did enjoy reading it. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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I love the art work. I have a friend that has done a children's book but has no artist and no money. God will work it out, that's His department. She's busy caring for her 90 year old mother 24.7.
This is really a cute story. I've never written children's stories so I'm not much help. But, I did enjoy reading it. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you Evelyn for reading and sharing your comments. Nomproblem that you haven't written childrens stories, you still know what you like or dislike. I'm happy you like mine.
Thank you... John
Comment from AprilShower
Oh, my goodness! Squirrels and chipmunks mixing! This is a cute story, jmdg1954. I think children would enjoy it. It seems you love to write poetry. I like the way you mixed it into a story. This is something that I like to do, too. If it was me, I wouldn't change a thing. It's fine the way it is.
April
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Oh, my goodness! Squirrels and chipmunks mixing! This is a cute story, jmdg1954. I think children would enjoy it. It seems you love to write poetry. I like the way you mixed it into a story. This is something that I like to do, too. If it was me, I wouldn't change a thing. It's fine the way it is.
April
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Thank you do much April for a great review. John
Comment from Carole Rosa
John, This is a delightful children's story. It should be on the best seller's list when published. My review is complimentary, because I have to look for punctuation spag alerts from my reviewers, when I write a story. I'm old and I forgot all those rules. But if you need approval for a children's story, I give it to you. The kids will love it. Carole
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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John, This is a delightful children's story. It should be on the best seller's list when published. My review is complimentary, because I have to look for punctuation spag alerts from my reviewers, when I write a story. I'm old and I forgot all those rules. But if you need approval for a children's story, I give it to you. The kids will love it. Carole
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Thank you Carole, much appreciated. John
Comment from mtrybak
I LOVED this! This, by far, is the best thing you have written that I have read. I was reading it through and thinking this is an outstanding story for children and if I laughed out loud at "And the father's name?" Chloe asked. "Frank. Just Frank." Mindy said in a ho-hum manner" than you can bet kids will.
I will go back through it and send you my ideas, but really Johnny, I'm not finding anything wrong with it, just all that is right. Going from story to poem to story is perfect for little kids because they'll learn the rhymes a year later. You've got a home run threatening on second. Let me see the Grand Slam Tiger.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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I LOVED this! This, by far, is the best thing you have written that I have read. I was reading it through and thinking this is an outstanding story for children and if I laughed out loud at "And the father's name?" Chloe asked. "Frank. Just Frank." Mindy said in a ho-hum manner" than you can bet kids will.
I will go back through it and send you my ideas, but really Johnny, I'm not finding anything wrong with it, just all that is right. Going from story to poem to story is perfect for little kids because they'll learn the rhymes a year later. You've got a home run threatening on second. Let me see the Grand Slam Tiger.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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This is the one Michele. I know I love writing baseball, but this is why I joined FanStory, to write children's story's, with my dogs. I want to take this to the level of perfection. I just gotta do it. Gotta gotta gotta....
Night time... 2am rolls around quick. Johnny
