2024 Gypsy's Prose
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Midnight Mountain".
10 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Gypsy! (Port Raid Review #3)
I absolutely love what you did with the prompt! When I came up with that, I was very happy that it literally could be used in so many different curcumstances. You wonderful story proves that.
---So, the way I understand it, Running With Wolves actually makes it to the top of Midnight Mountain, and instead of the curse spoken of, she meets the "Great Spirit." It is this monumental meeting that turns her eyes milky white. Very creative!
---"the cursed Midnight Mountain in the Raccoon Ridge." and "Mother Moon and her Children Clouds" --I have to point this out! I can tell you are seasoned poet because of the alliteration in these locations and names!
There was something I noticed that you might fix up if you agree. It has to do with placing a comma between two or more independent clauses before the conjuction. Here are three examples from your story:
---"She lived for overcoming challenges[,] and when she heard her tribe's shaman's warnings against climbing Midnight Mountain[,] she made it her top priority.
---"Running With Wolves didn't want to believe such stories[,] but the little girl in her was afraid.
---"The night was cool[,] and the sky was sprinkled with clouds."
This is the end of your Port Raid! I thoroughly enjoyed my time visiting you! I shall now head to other ports, but I have you on my maps and charts and shall return again soon! Keep your lighthouse beacon lit and a window seat at the Sake Bar for me! Take care!
Eyepatch Patrick (and Pookie)
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hello Gypsy! (Port Raid Review #3)
I absolutely love what you did with the prompt! When I came up with that, I was very happy that it literally could be used in so many different curcumstances. You wonderful story proves that.
---So, the way I understand it, Running With Wolves actually makes it to the top of Midnight Mountain, and instead of the curse spoken of, she meets the "Great Spirit." It is this monumental meeting that turns her eyes milky white. Very creative!
---"the cursed Midnight Mountain in the Raccoon Ridge." and "Mother Moon and her Children Clouds" --I have to point this out! I can tell you are seasoned poet because of the alliteration in these locations and names!
There was something I noticed that you might fix up if you agree. It has to do with placing a comma between two or more independent clauses before the conjuction. Here are three examples from your story:
---"She lived for overcoming challenges[,] and when she heard her tribe's shaman's warnings against climbing Midnight Mountain[,] she made it her top priority.
---"Running With Wolves didn't want to believe such stories[,] but the little girl in her was afraid.
---"The night was cool[,] and the sky was sprinkled with clouds."
This is the end of your Port Raid! I thoroughly enjoyed my time visiting you! I shall now head to other ports, but I have you on my maps and charts and shall return again soon! Keep your lighthouse beacon lit and a window seat at the Sake Bar for me! Take care!
Eyepatch Patrick (and Pookie)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hello, Eyepatch Patrick and Pookie,
Thank you for your detailed review and feedback, it's very helpful. I'm having a good time with your club's events. Some are taking me out of my comfort zone, which is a good thing. I usually write Japanese poetry and free verse.
I will make the edits, thank you! I always welcome help with grammar.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was very cool. You wrote it so well. I was left wondering if she was now blind. What did she see and why did her eyes change. This really felt like an Indian legend. I love your prose. Gretchen
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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This was very cool. You wrote it so well. I was left wondering if she was now blind. What did she see and why did her eyes change. This really felt like an Indian legend. I love your prose. Gretchen
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words 😊 thank you very much for your encouragement
Gypsy
Comment from Begin Again
This is a wonderfully written story with colorful description and imagery. It also shows the strength of a woman and how she can endure like a man. In those days, credit was rarely given. Perfect for the contest.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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This is a wonderfully written story with colorful description and imagery. It also shows the strength of a woman and how she can endure like a man. In those days, credit was rarely given. Perfect for the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words 😊
Gypsy
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Nicely written, with beautiful descriptions that create a mental imagery for the reader. I liked the storyline and the use of Native American culture. Good job on this weeks prose prompt.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Nicely written, with beautiful descriptions that create a mental imagery for the reader. I liked the storyline and the use of Native American culture. Good job on this weeks prose prompt.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy 😊
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading and am curious about the significance of white milky eyes. I know it was part of the club guidelines.
Her father expected her to be the tribe's chief after he died. (I'm surprised a female would be able to become a chief.)
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading and am curious about the significance of white milky eyes. I know it was part of the club guidelines.
Her father expected her to be the tribe's chief after he died. (I'm surprised a female would be able to become a chief.)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Women's can do things because they are smarter. LoL
Mother Teresa quote is about humans, not about God. I start the poem with my phrase: We are not God,
Then Santa Teresa quote. The quote is about people doing small things with great love
Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Gypsy
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I'm not disagreeing with you. You're 100% right. It's just during that time period and the Native American culture.
Comment from royowen
What a great story Gypsy, how ironic thst this great chieftain had daughters, but if he was like me he would be perfectly happy with daughters as I am with mine, beautifully written Gypsy. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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What a great story Gypsy, how ironic thst this great chieftain had daughters, but if he was like me he would be perfectly happy with daughters as I am with mine, beautifully written Gypsy. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy 😊
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Most welcome
Comment from Julie Helms
You told a fascinating tale here. I was completely drawn in and had forgotten what the prompt was by the time I got to the end, and then was surprised! You fulfilled the prompt with such an original idea. Well done.
I have a couple suggestions for your consideration:
There was one mountain that most warriors avoid to climb.
(...most warriors avoided climbing.)
her tribe's Shaman warnings
(her tribe's shaman's warnings)
The truth was that the spirits were benevolent and the curse was a myth
(Comma: ...benevolent, and)
Excellent entry!
Julie
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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You told a fascinating tale here. I was completely drawn in and had forgotten what the prompt was by the time I got to the end, and then was surprised! You fulfilled the prompt with such an original idea. Well done.
I have a couple suggestions for your consideration:
There was one mountain that most warriors avoid to climb.
(...most warriors avoided climbing.)
her tribe's Shaman warnings
(her tribe's shaman's warnings)
The truth was that the spirits were benevolent and the curse was a myth
(Comma: ...benevolent, and)
Excellent entry!
Julie
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you! I always welcome help with grammar. English is my second language. I corrected the errors. Thank you for taking the time to read, review, and help.
Gypsy hugs 😊
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I never would have guessed! It's my pleasure. :-)
Comment from lyenochka
I wish that women like that would be honored in times past. So many women were treated as less than human by all cultures around he world. A fascinating story!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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I wish that women like that would be honored in times past. So many women were treated as less than human by all cultures around he world. A fascinating story!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words, big sister.
Love
😊 marival ❤️
Comment from DonandVicki
I love strong women, and stories about strong women. I was mildly surprised that you write prose as well Gypsy. I thought that you were all about Haiku, senru...? a fun read.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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I love strong women, and stories about strong women. I was mildly surprised that you write prose as well Gypsy. I thought that you were all about Haiku, senru...? a fun read.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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I write a lot of Japanese poetry and free verse but once in a while I write prose.
Thank you for reading and reviewing,
Gypsy
Comment from RJ Heritage
Very intrigueing story which enjoyed reading from start to finish. The imagery was keen and compelling, abdctge storyline was esay to follow. Thank you for sharing.
RJ
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Very intrigueing story which enjoyed reading from start to finish. The imagery was keen and compelling, abdctge storyline was esay to follow. Thank you for sharing.
RJ
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you very much 😊
Gypsy
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You're welcome
RJ