Garden of Earthly Delights.
From the Sublime to the Ridiculous.3 total reviews
Comment from Aiona
Very interesting re-telling of the story of Adam and Eve. I saw two possible typos:
1. "Eve jumped from the tree, sprawling on landing in the cushiony grass. See? No pain, no scratches nor grazes. Nothing to stir the emotions apart from those linked to aesthetics."
Did you mean to put two verbs "sprawling" and "landing" or did you mean "sprawling upon landing"?
2. "Righty-ho," chirped Adam, looking at the abundant apple tree beside him.
"The Creator expressly forbade us to pick the fruit from this tree, didn't he? I think he called it the Tree of Knowledge."
I couldn't tell who said the second sentence. I'm guessing it was still Adam, in which case, it should probably not be separated into a new paragraph.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2024
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Very interesting re-telling of the story of Adam and Eve. I saw two possible typos:
1. "Eve jumped from the tree, sprawling on landing in the cushiony grass. See? No pain, no scratches nor grazes. Nothing to stir the emotions apart from those linked to aesthetics."
Did you mean to put two verbs "sprawling" and "landing" or did you mean "sprawling upon landing"?
2. "Righty-ho," chirped Adam, looking at the abundant apple tree beside him.
"The Creator expressly forbade us to pick the fruit from this tree, didn't he? I think he called it the Tree of Knowledge."
I couldn't tell who said the second sentence. I'm guessing it was still Adam, in which case, it should probably not be separated into a new paragraph.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2024
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Helpful. Thanks.
Comment from Esther Brown
Interesting. Untempered unbridled passions do give way to chaos. Trying to figure out if the writer is a man or a woman. Adam perceived here as easily satisfied where Eve is the temptress that gets Adam on the wrong track.
Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2024
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Interesting. Untempered unbridled passions do give way to chaos. Trying to figure out if the writer is a man or a woman. Adam perceived here as easily satisfied where Eve is the temptress that gets Adam on the wrong track.
Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Esther.
Comment from Cindy Decker 3
Author,
Your writing is thought-provoking and creative. Although it not exactly biblical, like you explain in your notes, the metaphor of temptation and dire consequences is within the story of Adam and Eve.
Excellent dialogue.
I like the last sentence of your author's notes.
Great story,
Best wishes,
Cindy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Author,
Your writing is thought-provoking and creative. Although it not exactly biblical, like you explain in your notes, the metaphor of temptation and dire consequences is within the story of Adam and Eve.
Excellent dialogue.
I like the last sentence of your author's notes.
Great story,
Best wishes,
Cindy
Comment Written 23-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Cindy.
