Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "A Better Way"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
23 total reviews
Comment from davidray
Hey!
Either I am having a major brain cramp, or you're guilty of writing this very well. Hmmm. Let me think it must be because of my doziness. tee hee hee.
Truthfully, well done. Terrific interaction.
Continued success.
Hugs,
David
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Hey!
Either I am having a major brain cramp, or you're guilty of writing this very well. Hmmm. Let me think it must be because of my doziness. tee hee hee.
Truthfully, well done. Terrific interaction.
Continued success.
Hugs,
David
Comment Written 28-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Hey David,
Thanks for the good word. Looks like I got this one right from the start.
Always appreciate you stopping by for a tehehe!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Your exposition on helium 3 is a good example of "science babble," which every Sci-Fi writer and fan understands is the supposed science that underlies the situations in a story. A prime example of this is "hyperspace." In "Helpless," it was the ability to put real minds in a computer simulation, virtual reality. A nice thing about "science babble" is that it doesn't have to work for real. It just has to be internally consistent and not stupid. You do quite well here.
Nonetheless, I found one spag in this exposition:
"The references here to H-3 [He-3], helium-3, are key. By today's estimates, very indulgent indeed, the United States requires forty metric tons of H-3 {He-3] to match the present needs of the power grid for the entire country for one year." H-3 would be hydrogen-three, which is tritium, a radioactive isotope. Further on, you say He-3 already.
Now that you've revealed Andy's work, I can understand why Russian agents are interested in him. But if they seek to keep his work from producing global results, they're too late. The cat is out of the bag, and nobody can stuff it back in. It would still be a terrific adventure, because everyone's focus will be on Caroline's rescue, not on helium-3.
BTW, a cheap source of fusion energy would cause the price of crude petroleum and gasoline to crater, meaning that these substances would still be used.
Dave M
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Your exposition on helium 3 is a good example of "science babble," which every Sci-Fi writer and fan understands is the supposed science that underlies the situations in a story. A prime example of this is "hyperspace." In "Helpless," it was the ability to put real minds in a computer simulation, virtual reality. A nice thing about "science babble" is that it doesn't have to work for real. It just has to be internally consistent and not stupid. You do quite well here.
Nonetheless, I found one spag in this exposition:
"The references here to H-3 [He-3], helium-3, are key. By today's estimates, very indulgent indeed, the United States requires forty metric tons of H-3 {He-3] to match the present needs of the power grid for the entire country for one year." H-3 would be hydrogen-three, which is tritium, a radioactive isotope. Further on, you say He-3 already.
Now that you've revealed Andy's work, I can understand why Russian agents are interested in him. But if they seek to keep his work from producing global results, they're too late. The cat is out of the bag, and nobody can stuff it back in. It would still be a terrific adventure, because everyone's focus will be on Caroline's rescue, not on helium-3.
BTW, a cheap source of fusion energy would cause the price of crude petroleum and gasoline to crater, meaning that these substances would still be used.
Dave M
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Hey Good Buddy!
Eagle eyed...man, I added the 'E' in there, don't know how I missed in the first go.
Say, google this stuff and you'll find it's not sci-fi. France is in the process of building the reactor...it's the mining that presents the problem.
I'm having a ball, glad you are too,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from butterflykiss
Yes I know this is fiction, but we can wish, we can hope. Any way now we know Candace was kidnapped. This very entertaining. Very interesting.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Yes I know this is fiction, but we can wish, we can hope. Any way now we know Candace was kidnapped. This very entertaining. Very interesting.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Hi Sweeite,
This isn't nearly as far-out as it sounds. Another ten years and we'll be living this! Thanks for the R&R and your comments,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Gayle: Now I know why the Ruskies or whoever they are want the upper hand on controlling Andy and his pet project. That would be so fabulous. But now we need to know what's happening to Candace and her family back home.
I noticed that sometimes you have H-3 and most times He-3.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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Gayle: Now I know why the Ruskies or whoever they are want the upper hand on controlling Andy and his pet project. That would be so fabulous. But now we need to know what's happening to Candace and her family back home.
I noticed that sometimes you have H-3 and most times He-3.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2008
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I know! Dang it, I just went in and added the E. Renie, sometimes I wonder about myself, for sure.
Thanks for the great eye and the comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
by the way, blushing author, congratulations on being the first Book of the Month contest winner. This is a fascinating idea. Perhaps the Russians and Americans will have a new race to the moon.
swallowed several time >> swallowed several times
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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by the way, blushing author, congratulations on being the first Book of the Month contest winner. This is a fascinating idea. Perhaps the Russians and Americans will have a new race to the moon.
swallowed several time >> swallowed several times
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Oh Jan, sweetie, thanks for that. What a surprise, so many talented folks in there. Won by the skin of my little chppoers! LOL!
Okay, got that danged "S" although how I missed it is beyond me. Thanks for seeing it and yes, that might just be the case. Tehehe, this is fun huh?
Love,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
Oh my dear Gayle. You have just made the Hit List of every major oil producer. Maybe you'll have to move to the moon! I found this chapter extremely interesting and, with today's technology, believable. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Oh my dear Gayle. You have just made the Hit List of every major oil producer. Maybe you'll have to move to the moon! I found this chapter extremely interesting and, with today's technology, believable. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Hey Charlie,
Thing is, this stuff is real. Just google 'cold fusion' and man, it's so fascinating. So glad you enjoy and thanks for the great comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Gayle, you're preaching to the choir. If you researched the combustible engine you would be amazed at some of the discoveries that have been swept under the rug by big business.
Comment from dportwood
showtimebook,
This blushing author must have done a lot of discovery to come up with the content of this story. An excellent writing showing imagination and realistically describing a high level meeting. Good job.
Duane
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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showtimebook,
This blushing author must have done a lot of discovery to come up with the content of this story. An excellent writing showing imagination and realistically describing a high level meeting. Good job.
Duane
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Hey Duane,
I have to give most of the credit to Jeff. He comes up with all the neat ideas, all the stuff that's really interesting, then I write about it. Thanks so much and come back again soon,
Gayle
Comment from In Memoriam
Aloha,
I was coerced into reviewing by these 80% MCP odds, but I was suprised (and not, since you are one of the prolific polished authors) to find this still offering yummy rewards.
The piece is tight and moves along well. You know that though. I loved happening upon this particular chapter teasing the reader with cutting ties with OPEC, you, you tease you. I only wish the category heading were under non-fiction.
It poses so many questions on its own. That kind of technology, the tension, the money... I'm dizzy with possibility.
Lots of promise, good pace, great read, now I'm going to have to go back and see what else I missed.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Aloha,
I was coerced into reviewing by these 80% MCP odds, but I was suprised (and not, since you are one of the prolific polished authors) to find this still offering yummy rewards.
The piece is tight and moves along well. You know that though. I loved happening upon this particular chapter teasing the reader with cutting ties with OPEC, you, you tease you. I only wish the category heading were under non-fiction.
It poses so many questions on its own. That kind of technology, the tension, the money... I'm dizzy with possibility.
Lots of promise, good pace, great read, now I'm going to have to go back and see what else I missed.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Hey Julia,
Man, it is true, though, that's the weird thing. All the stats, everything is available on the net. Case you didn't notice, I'm not a nuclear engineer, but they're doing this now. Of course, their timetable is a bit slower than mine, the the moon will provide all the US needs for 44,000 years. It's fascinating!
So good to see you and I hope you can drop in again soon,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Marjorie D.
There's a nit that was overlooked, but I know you'll fix it. I'm very glad to be able to upgrade this for you, Gayle.
A buzz rippled across the room as the words sunk (sank) in.
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Fantastic, Gayle. Even though this is fiction, the amount of thought it takes to turn a story like this into something believable is astounding. I think you've manaaged to pull it off beautifully!
Eyes met(.) (E)yebrows elevated(.) (S)houlders shrugged. (The more common punctuation seems better despite the shortness of the sentences.)
A buzz rippled across the room as the words sunk (sank) in.
"The moon." (Earlier in the chapter, he mentioned the supply on the moon was inexhaustible.)
Working round the clock in three(-)hour shifts ...
I'll be glad to re-read and upgrade. Just need a heads-up, okay?
Marjorie
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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There's a nit that was overlooked, but I know you'll fix it. I'm very glad to be able to upgrade this for you, Gayle.
A buzz rippled across the room as the words sunk (sank) in.
************************************************************************
Fantastic, Gayle. Even though this is fiction, the amount of thought it takes to turn a story like this into something believable is astounding. I think you've manaaged to pull it off beautifully!
Eyes met(.) (E)yebrows elevated(.) (S)houlders shrugged. (The more common punctuation seems better despite the shortness of the sentences.)
A buzz rippled across the room as the words sunk (sank) in.
"The moon." (Earlier in the chapter, he mentioned the supply on the moon was inexhaustible.)
Working round the clock in three(-)hour shifts ...
I'll be glad to re-read and upgrade. Just need a heads-up, okay?
Marjorie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Hi Sweetie,
So good to see you. Okay, thanks to your eagle eye, I will get the - inthere for the shifts...yikes, sank/sunk...oh dear. Will fix. Now, thankfully you mentioned it...no one else did, but that "eyes, eyebrows schtick. I can do without that, huh? Looks of disbelief could work without all the facial activity. Oh, Marjorie, you're such a dear! Will get in there.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from MizteryWriter
Showtimebook,
Very nice chapter! I enjoyed reading it. You are good at using dialogue to keep the pace moving.
A few little suggestions:
Where someone asks where the doctor would get the He-3 and he answers, the moon has an inexhaustable supply, I was pulled out of the story... I don't think a roomful of intelligent people would believe that anyplace, especially one as small as the moon, would have an inexhaustable amount of anything.
While the moon is mentioned as the source of He-3 in the scene above, later a woman asks where the He-3 will come from and is told the moon; I'd just omit that sentence to avoid repetition.
Last, I'd like to see an opening sentence and a final sentence to the chapter that are strong hooks for the reader.
I think the chapter is very well written and it sounds like you've got an exciting story going on. Your POV is fine. Your characterization - I assume you've already done a lot of character development prior to this as it's your 11th chapter - might benefit from ther a little physical description with body language.Sensory descriptions, such as smells, could be added, too.
Overall I think it's very good, and I hope my few suggestions are taken as they are meant, as some things to think about, remembering that the entire chapter is exciting and keeps the reader's interest.
Thank You!
MizeryWriter
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Showtimebook,
Very nice chapter! I enjoyed reading it. You are good at using dialogue to keep the pace moving.
A few little suggestions:
Where someone asks where the doctor would get the He-3 and he answers, the moon has an inexhaustable supply, I was pulled out of the story... I don't think a roomful of intelligent people would believe that anyplace, especially one as small as the moon, would have an inexhaustable amount of anything.
While the moon is mentioned as the source of He-3 in the scene above, later a woman asks where the He-3 will come from and is told the moon; I'd just omit that sentence to avoid repetition.
Last, I'd like to see an opening sentence and a final sentence to the chapter that are strong hooks for the reader.
I think the chapter is very well written and it sounds like you've got an exciting story going on. Your POV is fine. Your characterization - I assume you've already done a lot of character development prior to this as it's your 11th chapter - might benefit from ther a little physical description with body language.Sensory descriptions, such as smells, could be added, too.
Overall I think it's very good, and I hope my few suggestions are taken as they are meant, as some things to think about, remembering that the entire chapter is exciting and keeps the reader's interest.
Thank You!
MizeryWriter
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Hi MW,
Well, actually, they estimate the moon has a supply of He-3 that would supply all the United States needs for 44,000 years. That seemed like darned near inexhaustible to me, lol.
I understand you have not read previous chapters, but Andy's here to get funding and we're never going to see these people again, so I'm keeping them shadowy on purpose.
Also, none of the people present are nuclear engineers, so he has to keep things basic. He's mostly after funding.
Thank you for stopping by.
Gayle