THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Cleaning Lady at the Palace Ball"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
45 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I am so glad I waited until I had a 6 to read this. You did a terrific job describing the cleaning lady. I love his transition into Pondria then his concern about his action. Excellent ending that leaves me wanting to know more. You are a superb write and I always look forward to seeing your name in my inbox.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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I am so glad I waited until I had a 6 to read this. You did a terrific job describing the cleaning lady. I love his transition into Pondria then his concern about his action. Excellent ending that leaves me wanting to know more. You are a superb write and I always look forward to seeing your name in my inbox.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Sasha you are so uplifting. You are my confidence bra! Thanks for being you.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, I am using up my six stars but you have to have one for this excellent writing. I said all the time that there is something to that cleaning Lady. |Well we'll see. Love this tale. All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Hi Jay, I am using up my six stars but you have to have one for this excellent writing. I said all the time that there is something to that cleaning Lady. |Well we'll see. Love this tale. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Ulla, thank you so much. I know how it is with the sixes. We need just a few more. I'm proud you used yours for mine.
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
I thought your writing in this chapter was sooth and fluid. Not sure you need the dialog attribution in the 2nd sentence; it's obvious who's talking, but I see Raymond Carver and others do it. Perhaps I'm overly concerned with compression. It's just that compression is such a challenging technique I find myself seizing on the obvious.
I've missed some episodes. This one is written well enough that it held my interest in spite of missing information. I think that is a mark of skill--when you can pick up a book or story and start anywhere and it's gripping.
Keep up the good work. Best regards, BobFox
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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I thought your writing in this chapter was sooth and fluid. Not sure you need the dialog attribution in the 2nd sentence; it's obvious who's talking, but I see Raymond Carver and others do it. Perhaps I'm overly concerned with compression. It's just that compression is such a challenging technique I find myself seizing on the obvious.
I've missed some episodes. This one is written well enough that it held my interest in spite of missing information. I think that is a mark of skill--when you can pick up a book or story and start anywhere and it's gripping.
Keep up the good work. Best regards, BobFox
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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First of all, thanks so much for the six stars. The chapter just before this one is critical to understanding the transformation or transition from Doctrex to Pondria. I'm sorry you missed it, but I'm elated your read this and regarded it so highly.
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I know all the information laid out in a tale is important to satisfying the story problem, but even still, one should be able to pick up a book anywhere and start reading without being bored or understanding what is going on (even if they don't know why). I was impressed.
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Jay
This is an interesting and enlightening scene, well told in your inimitable style.
I offer the following for you to ponder:
*I kept my smile. She didn't return it. If you kept it, she couldn't return it.
*Letting one of her earlier inhales out now with a snort, she . . . Revise to: "Now letting one of her earlier inhales out with a snort, she . . ."
*rested upside down and on a napkin Delete 'and.'
*She had more to worry about insubordination. . . . about 'than' insubordination.
*How many would have loved to have had that opportunity? How many___?___ would have loved to have had that opportunity? Add something: women, maidens, domestics.
Sincerely, Marv
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Jay
This is an interesting and enlightening scene, well told in your inimitable style.
I offer the following for you to ponder:
*I kept my smile. She didn't return it. If you kept it, she couldn't return it.
*Letting one of her earlier inhales out now with a snort, she . . . Revise to: "Now letting one of her earlier inhales out with a snort, she . . ."
*rested upside down and on a napkin Delete 'and.'
*She had more to worry about insubordination. . . . about 'than' insubordination.
*How many would have loved to have had that opportunity? How many___?___ would have loved to have had that opportunity? Add something: women, maidens, domestics.
Sincerely, Marv
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Hey Marv. Thanks for the meaty review. I love to see these. I changed immediately to "than subordination." Thanks for pointing that out. You make some good points on all of them. I'm going to mull them over. Usually I only change grammatical things right away (because not doing so makes me look styooo-pid and reserve the rest for the final edit after the post drops.
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Glad I could help.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Good post. I enjoyed the 'magic' in it. Really well done and portrayed.
"Listen, I'll gather my papers and be right in," I said, emphatically, my eyes fixed on her, unblinking. "You may wait for me in my room." - Love the jostling here. Smooth, Jay!
On a magical whim, her life, in that one instant, would never be quite the same. - I wanted to say 'after that one instant', would never be quite the same. ?
A mysterious stillness slipped over me. - Hmm. That leaves me wondering and waiting for the next!
Av
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
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Good post. I enjoyed the 'magic' in it. Really well done and portrayed.
"Listen, I'll gather my papers and be right in," I said, emphatically, my eyes fixed on her, unblinking. "You may wait for me in my room." - Love the jostling here. Smooth, Jay!
On a magical whim, her life, in that one instant, would never be quite the same. - I wanted to say 'after that one instant', would never be quite the same. ?
A mysterious stillness slipped over me. - Hmm. That leaves me wondering and waiting for the next!
Av
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
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Hey, Av, thanks for the wonderful review and the suggestion. I corrected it to after and it DOES read better!
Comment from Phoenix Rysing
I've decided to print the book and take it with me to catch up as I can. I enjoyed reading this very much, but want to make sure I've read it all. Great job, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
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I've decided to print the book and take it with me to catch up as I can. I enjoyed reading this very much, but want to make sure I've read it all. Great job, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2016
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What a compliment, Lizbo. You make all this worthwhile.
Comment from LIJ Red
unblinking. You Quote marks after unblinking? So Doctrex/Pondria
has uncommon mental powers. Looks like the gunslingers are walking out into the street. Excellent descriptive writing,
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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unblinking. You Quote marks after unblinking? So Doctrex/Pondria
has uncommon mental powers. Looks like the gunslingers are walking out into the street. Excellent descriptive writing,
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Got it, my friend. Thanks for the heads up. No matter how closely or slowly I read my chapters, there always seems to be something I've overlooked.
Comment from boxergirl
Nice work, Jay.
Your descriptive details and dialogue provide strong imagery of the cleaning lady.
Very smooth transition into Pondria. But now he is worried about his actions. I could feel his fitfullness as he tried to sleep. Love the ending which leaves us begging for more!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Nice work, Jay.
Your descriptive details and dialogue provide strong imagery of the cleaning lady.
Very smooth transition into Pondria. But now he is worried about his actions. I could feel his fitfullness as he tried to sleep. Love the ending which leaves us begging for more!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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So glad you enjoyed this, Karen. Things start ramping up for the climax in the next chapter, though still several more to go.
Comment from foxangie123
I love your work and never find any inconsistencies. I can only dream of being as good as you one day. I'll probably have to wait on Heaven for that. Jay you are an outstanding and amazing author. I'm not a boot kisser either. I mean it.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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I love your work and never find any inconsistencies. I can only dream of being as good as you one day. I'll probably have to wait on Heaven for that. Jay you are an outstanding and amazing author. I'm not a boot kisser either. I mean it.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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THank you so much, Angie, for making me smile through my blushing. I do appreciate your warm and generous comments.
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It is so true... Xo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Have you not been posting or am I missing your posts. It's hard to say. LOL WOW OH WOW!!! That cleaning was nothing to mess with, but then again either is Pondria. You keep me guessing and that's a good thing.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Have you not been posting or am I missing your posts. It's hard to say. LOL WOW OH WOW!!! That cleaning was nothing to mess with, but then again either is Pondria. You keep me guessing and that's a good thing.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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No, I've been posting the final three chapters of Part II to prepare readers for the climax of this (part III). You didn't get them though because it was a re-post that was less than 2 years old, so it didn't go to my followers. Thanks, though, and OMG, I just noticed your 6 stars. Bless you!
