THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "The Master Has Left His Yoke"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
36 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Hi Jay,
Really good continuation of the story line. I always enjoy the dialogue between Doctrex and Glnot. Very entertaining. :-)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hi Jay,
Really good continuation of the story line. I always enjoy the dialogue between Doctrex and Glnot. Very entertaining. :-)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Karen. I appreciate your six and, more than that, that you found it entertaining.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You're crawling into their minds, aren't you? Like little worms, ugly little bug (The thought of this is horrible. But your post, as usual, is very well written and you are doing a great job.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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You're crawling into their minds, aren't you? Like little worms, ugly little bug (The thought of this is horrible. But your post, as usual, is very well written and you are doing a great job.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Barbara. I'm glad this is meaningful to you.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Liked the dialogue in the chapter. It moved it along quickly. Loved the joking about the need of the bath. That brought out the human qualities of both. Good chapter that moved the story along. Gretchen
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Liked the dialogue in the chapter. It moved it along quickly. Loved the joking about the need of the bath. That brought out the human qualities of both. Good chapter that moved the story along. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Gretchen. Lots of people don't like their heroes with body odor. Glad you enjoyed the touch of humor.
Comment from c_lucas
Think back when they did not bathe for years. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Your post has good imagery.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Think back when they did not bathe for years. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Your post has good imagery.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Glad you enjoyed the imagery. Yeah, there's too much emphasis on smelling good.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from JTStone
Jay, this is a most enjoyable story. I look forward to these.
This one was mostly dialog and mental gymnastics, though it did give hint to the military intrigue yet to come. It also piqued the interest about the up coming ceremony where the real fun begins. I figure at the pace you have this going, next weekend will be exciting on Fan Story.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Jay, this is a most enjoyable story. I look forward to these.
This one was mostly dialog and mental gymnastics, though it did give hint to the military intrigue yet to come. It also piqued the interest about the up coming ceremony where the real fun begins. I figure at the pace you have this going, next weekend will be exciting on Fan Story.
Jimmy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hey, Jimmy, I'm thrilled you're enjoying this. Don't know whether it will be next weekend, but it should be soon.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Another god chapter, my friend. I never seem to know how Pondria is going to outwit his brother. Good humor in this one as well.
'Like little worms, ugly little bugs."' This sentence reads weird for me. and at the end it needs a comma after ugly, which makes it even more choppy.
'In the preliminary part of the letter I will address certain incidents that were private between specific people and myself' I would use a comma after 'letter'
All the best,
Russell
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Another god chapter, my friend. I never seem to know how Pondria is going to outwit his brother. Good humor in this one as well.
'Like little worms, ugly little bugs."' This sentence reads weird for me. and at the end it needs a comma after ugly, which makes it even more choppy.
'In the preliminary part of the letter I will address certain incidents that were private between specific people and myself' I would use a comma after 'letter'
All the best,
Russell
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Russell for your fine suggestions. I agree about the weirdness of that sentence. I'll have a closer look at it.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jay "I tapped my fingertips on the table a moment. "All right, how about this? In the preliminary part of the letter I will address certain incidents that were private between specific people and myself. The weight of evidence would prove it came from me." (This iss mthe sort of detailed imagery that makes a story stand out. very good even though it seems so insignificant.
And this: "Rhuether crossed his arms, leaned back in his chair and said to the ceiling, "All right, I'm listening." He sighed and brought his eyes to me. "So we have two people reading the letter. Very dangerous."
Your writing moves the story along very nicely.
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hi, Jay "I tapped my fingertips on the table a moment. "All right, how about this? In the preliminary part of the letter I will address certain incidents that were private between specific people and myself. The weight of evidence would prove it came from me." (This iss mthe sort of detailed imagery that makes a story stand out. very good even though it seems so insignificant.
And this: "Rhuether crossed his arms, leaned back in his chair and said to the ceiling, "All right, I'm listening." He sighed and brought his eyes to me. "So we have two people reading the letter. Very dangerous."
Your writing moves the story along very nicely.
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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I'm thrilled you enjoyed this chapter, Bob. That means a lot to me.
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Good stuff!
Comment from krprice
Rhuether crossed. . . chair, and. . .
"Good. . . "And don't. . . b in brother should be small.
Excellent chapter. Now what does Doctrex have up his sleeve?
Karlene
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Rhuether crossed. . . chair, and. . .
"Good. . . "And don't. . . b in brother should be small.
Excellent chapter. Now what does Doctrex have up his sleeve?
Karlene
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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According to Rhuether, body odor is what Doctrex has up his sleeve. Thanks, for the good eye, Karlene. You should have some chapters coming up, correct?
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I have posted some 8 chapters to Accidental Murder? and hope to post more this week. The rest of the book will be posted in the next few weeks. I'm save my member cents (not to mention cash) to start posting a revived book. The Chanin Caper is a sequel to The Half-Elven Murders now available at amazon.com.
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karlene, they haven't come up on my queue. I know I have fanned you. I may have to do it again. It happens all the time.
Comment from Tessa Kay
A lot of scheming going on. I know it would put an end to the book there and then, and I'm probably missing something, but what stops Doctrex from just killing Rheuther? He's alone with him so much and is planning to destroy him anyway?
-clasped his hands together on the table, - can you clasp your hands apart? 'Together' might be redundant.
-Cheif among medics in the Kabeezan Army. - Chief
- Twice 'will you listen' and 'her me out'. It's slowing the dialogue down a bit. He is there to talk to Doctrex, isn't he? After the second 'hear me out' I found myself thinking 'oh get on with it'. But don't mind me if there's a reason for the emphasis on listening.
Another solid chapter. Feels like things are working towards a climax soon. :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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A lot of scheming going on. I know it would put an end to the book there and then, and I'm probably missing something, but what stops Doctrex from just killing Rheuther? He's alone with him so much and is planning to destroy him anyway?
-clasped his hands together on the table, - can you clasp your hands apart? 'Together' might be redundant.
-Cheif among medics in the Kabeezan Army. - Chief
- Twice 'will you listen' and 'her me out'. It's slowing the dialogue down a bit. He is there to talk to Doctrex, isn't he? After the second 'hear me out' I found myself thinking 'oh get on with it'. But don't mind me if there's a reason for the emphasis on listening.
Another solid chapter. Feels like things are working towards a climax soon. :)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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OMG, one more to add to the list of sitting and squatting down or standing up. I thought I had them all covered. LOL, thanks Tessa.
He can't just kill Rhuether. That would end the story. LOL, again, the reason has to do with Axtilla's God's prophesy that Axtilla and Pondria, together, must destroy Rhuether.
Someone else mentioned the same thing about "will you listen". I'll take a look and see which one to pull.
Hmmmm. MIsspelled Chief. Hmmmm. Thanks.
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I didn't mean to end this without thanking you. Sorry, and you should know how valuable your suggestions and catches are to me.
Comment from a.w.brooks
A great story here Jay I am glad to see you have graced us once again with the presents of your work. Thank you so much I know you are missed but you have things you have to do. Loved the story and very well written. I love war and magic and you have both in this. This book is coming together well. Thanks for the read and Happy Writing
A.W.Brooks
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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A great story here Jay I am glad to see you have graced us once again with the presents of your work. Thank you so much I know you are missed but you have things you have to do. Loved the story and very well written. I love war and magic and you have both in this. This book is coming together well. Thanks for the read and Happy Writing
A.W.Brooks
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this, A.W. Thank you for your loyalty.
