Your Honour
200 word flash fiction63 total reviews
Comment from Jacq77
Very clever, very entertaining, and written well too. I didn't see that ending coming, so well done. You have made good use of all the required words, and I hope you do well in the contest. Great job!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Very clever, very entertaining, and written well too. I didn't see that ending coming, so well done. You have made good use of all the required words, and I hope you do well in the contest. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from pbroussard209
great story, with a surprising twist at the end, awesome. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors and you got all your words in there. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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great story, with a surprising twist at the end, awesome. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors and you got all your words in there. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Winslow
Dear Writer,
This is good but could be better by eliminating passive writing. I like the verdict and the reward. (LOL)
For example you wrote:
Gaby's heart pounded. Outwardly though, she remained composed.
"Sexy is a bad look," her lawyer had counseled and Gaby had reluctantly toned down her make-up, tied up her hair and hidden her curvaceous assets under a black sack dress.
Suggest:
Gaby's heart pounded, but outwardly she tried to look composed.
"Sexy is a bad look," her lawyer counseled. Gaby had reluctantly toned down her make-up, tied up her hair, and hidden her curvaceous assets under a black sack dress.
Edit the rest and eliminate passive voice.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Dear Writer,
This is good but could be better by eliminating passive writing. I like the verdict and the reward. (LOL)
For example you wrote:
Gaby's heart pounded. Outwardly though, she remained composed.
"Sexy is a bad look," her lawyer had counseled and Gaby had reluctantly toned down her make-up, tied up her hair and hidden her curvaceous assets under a black sack dress.
Suggest:
Gaby's heart pounded, but outwardly she tried to look composed.
"Sexy is a bad look," her lawyer counseled. Gaby had reluctantly toned down her make-up, tied up her hair, and hidden her curvaceous assets under a black sack dress.
Edit the rest and eliminate passive voice.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the review and suggestions.
Steve
Comment from Gungalo
"If it please Your Honour," she murmured huskily, "just time for a drink and then .... your reward."
LOL this one really got me laughing. It's a scene that replays constantly in our court system. Heheh. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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"If it please Your Honour," she murmured huskily, "just time for a drink and then .... your reward."
LOL this one really got me laughing. It's a scene that replays constantly in our court system. Heheh. Good job.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
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Smile.
Comment from JRCalhoun
I like the undertone of it and would like to read more. It did not flow to well in places so I had to reread those spots a few times to make sure I was getting it.I like the the main character she is spicy.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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I like the undertone of it and would like to read more. It did not flow to well in places so I had to reread those spots a few times to make sure I was getting it.I like the the main character she is spicy.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Thesis
More thingse been acquired over the years with sex than any other medium. I enjoyed the story. The toned down version of Gaby was quite a contrast to the vixen who emerged from the rest room.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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More thingse been acquired over the years with sex than any other medium. I enjoyed the story. The toned down version of Gaby was quite a contrast to the vixen who emerged from the rest room.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Spitfire
Exceptionally clever. A crime left to our imaginations. A protagonist who wears a mask in courtroom proceedings and a judge who thinks with the wrong head. Nicely done. No more sixes, but this deserves a vote.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Exceptionally clever. A crime left to our imaginations. A protagonist who wears a mask in courtroom proceedings and a judge who thinks with the wrong head. Nicely done. No more sixes, but this deserves a vote.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Cariboubill
You did a good job using the required words. You also demonstrated an understanding of the American justice system.
It makes an interesting story. Might inspire someone to take up the law for the fringe benefits!
...Bill
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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You did a good job using the required words. You also demonstrated an understanding of the American justice system.
It makes an interesting story. Might inspire someone to take up the law for the fringe benefits!
...Bill
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thanks, Bill - I appreciate the review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Darla9
Very good work with the prompt. You have a complete story, which is not easy with 200 words limit. I wouldn't be surprised if things like this happened on a daily basis. Men are weak LOL Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Very good work with the prompt. You have a complete story, which is not easy with 200 words limit. I wouldn't be surprised if things like this happened on a daily basis. Men are weak LOL Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from josieg521
Very well done and a great put together of the words you had to use. The story was fast paced and interesting with a good twist for an ending. I enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Very well done and a great put together of the words you had to use. The story was fast paced and interesting with a good twist for an ending. I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Thank you!
Steve