THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "RHUETHER UNRAVELING? (Pt 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
22 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
I feel from the pace that this might be the last some what calm before the storm - I feel the need for speed
Let the bloody rumpus begin!
Another well written chapter - I think Doctrix has prepped as well as he can
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I feel from the pace that this might be the last some what calm before the storm - I feel the need for speed
Let the bloody rumpus begin!
Another well written chapter - I think Doctrix has prepped as well as he can
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Here's the problem (and, it's bothering me as well)! The problem is with the packaging of posts with Fan Story. A short 1 paragraph story offers the same 50 percent chance of a Member Pump as a 3,000 word story. People will flock to the first and skip the second. Now, I was forced to break up Doctrex's "speech" (which most feel is effective)to four chapters. At the end of the next post (Saturday's) Doctrex will be putting the troops to bed.
At that point, the movement toward Rhuether continues.
Thanks for reading, Maria.
Comment from Writingfundimension
The open attitude of their leader allows the men to open up and start to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Now, it is becoming more apparent that this openness will be the ultimate undoing of Glnot in my estimation. Well done, as always, Jay.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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The open attitude of their leader allows the men to open up and start to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Now, it is becoming more apparent that this openness will be the ultimate undoing of Glnot in my estimation. Well done, as always, Jay.
:) Bev
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Bev. I really appreciate your input. Are you ready for the movement toward Qarnolt Palace?
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You bet, Jay.
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Three posted since Saturday and paying $1 +.
Comment from amahra
I can't wait for the battle; all of this mysterious hearing voices and falling off of animals and soldiers vanishing is spooking me out. LOL Another fine chapter, Jay.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I can't wait for the battle; all of this mysterious hearing voices and falling off of animals and soldiers vanishing is spooking me out. LOL Another fine chapter, Jay.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Ama, your response and the response of others let me know when I do the final edit, I need to chop out about 1/3 of Doctrex's speech. I do thank you for your patience though. And, thanks for your review.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a very interesting piece of writing that the author has created with this piece of work. I am an ex soldier myself so I can relate to the bonds that are created by soldiers in battle and the brotherhood mentality. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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This is a very interesting piece of writing that the author has created with this piece of work. I am an ex soldier myself so I can relate to the bonds that are created by soldiers in battle and the brotherhood mentality. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you for stopping by, Tomes. This is a fantasy/military/adventure. Hope you pop in again sometime.
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I will indeed.
Comment from Walter L. Jones
There comes a time when you stop the bleeding and kill something, the double edge sword, believe or not, one for all, but more important let the scribe live to write the history or is it the yet to come...
Walt
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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There comes a time when you stop the bleeding and kill something, the double edge sword, believe or not, one for all, but more important let the scribe live to write the history or is it the yet to come...
Walt
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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In other words... stop the speechifying, Doctrex?!! The action, Walt, is just around the corner. The big problem here is that this speech IS necessary as you will see when the "rubber meets, etc." but it should be read all in one chapter "piece" (which would have been UNREAD here on Fan Story). Thanks for hanging in.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Another well written chapter with sound dialog.
Doctrex seems to, at times, jump to very firm conclusions, that are not based on any firm information. If you could establish even a weak thought process, I think it would enhance his answers. For instance, he surmises what his foe is doing or thinking and states it as fact when he truly is just guessing.
Very nice chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Another well written chapter with sound dialog.
Doctrex seems to, at times, jump to very firm conclusions, that are not based on any firm information. If you could establish even a weak thought process, I think it would enhance his answers. For instance, he surmises what his foe is doing or thinking and states it as fact when he truly is just guessing.
Very nice chapter.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Ah, thanks, Ray. I think I know what you mean. If you have an example though, I might be able to trace it back to precedent thought process for you. I thought I had all bases covered.
Comment from royowen
I wonder who this mysterious spokesperson is, the hooded one? Great episode, plumbing the depths or lack of Glnot Reuther's ability to hood wink an army, Doctrex revealing his limitations in doing so, good preliminary to the main event, Jay, looking forward to each episode, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I wonder who this mysterious spokesperson is, the hooded one? Great episode, plumbing the depths or lack of Glnot Reuther's ability to hood wink an army, Doctrex revealing his limitations in doing so, good preliminary to the main event, Jay, looking forward to each episode, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Oh, Roy, I hope I didn't suggest something to the reader that wasn't intended. They all wore those hoods and sometimes slipped them off to speak. Nothing sinister to be suggested by it. That's what happens when I have to find an artificial cut off place in what's supposed to be a much longer chapter.
Comment from c_lucas
The Psychology of war depends on fear. this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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The Psychology of war depends on fear. this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. Much appreciated.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter. Just one suggestion you need to check some of the lines where you have "" 's (expression marks we call them here.) Sometimes you start the line with them then don't close them. I have been singing 'our' song constantly your words and my tune. have you figured out a way to get it on your chapter where they sing? Did you ask Tom about it.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Good chapter. Just one suggestion you need to check some of the lines where you have "" 's (expression marks we call them here.) Sometimes you start the line with them then don't close them. I have been singing 'our' song constantly your words and my tune. have you figured out a way to get it on your chapter where they sing? Did you ask Tom about it.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I think I know what you are referring to, Geoff, but if the same person is speaking in both paragraphs you don't use a closed Quote mark at the close of the paragraph, just an open one on the next one.
About the other "our song" (love it) I emailed you back that I got the tune in my email. I was unable to download that zilla thing because my computer is too old for it. To be honest with you, I'm stuck. Don't know what to do. Tomorrow, when I have more time, I'll check with Dean Kuch and see if he can help me with it. I'm just so inept when it comes to computers.
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I could put it on a CD and -post it to you. But you would get it way after you have finished your book on here hehe! I hope Dean can help. I did think of adding it to a new page in my Portfolio or even adding the tune to one of my poems or something hehe. Just to have it some place on FS.
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I'll definitely talk to Dean tomorrow and see if he can help.
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I guess you are still on XP ha so Windows Media player should work on that tune.
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What you're saying doesn't compute...LOL.
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Sorry I might have been off course I remember now you already hear it media player not relevant to getting it on your story ho hum.
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Yeah, this gets real basic in my ignorance, but I don't know how to get your tune off the email attachment to the Fan Story so I can imbed it (along with the lyrics) to a chapter. Do I get it to Fan Story via the link? I couldn't copy the link from the email so I could paste it to Fan Story.
See who you're dealing with? I am so lost!
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I think like a photo link if you upload it off of my e-mail to your Pictures or MUsic files section on your puter then you maybe able to upload it from there from the Advanced Edit on Faqn Story. You may not need File Zilla as I upload pictures and stuff direct from my puter to FS. I will do an experiement and see if I can do that with your tune to ome of my places. let you know. Spoke to Dean when he left a Review on my halloween Poem and hoped he can help. Hang on a bit get back to you.
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Thanks, Geoff. I don't think you understand yet how completely UNtechnical I am. I am!
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Hey mate I have been running our church web site for more thabn 12 years now. Never had any Web Design quals or anything. A lady helped me for years then had a local guy come around for a little while but I basically picked it up asnd have been doing it on my own for pretty well 7 or 8 years now. I have the church site my own place you visited and I am getting a third web site up for all my FS poems and songs and stuff non religious to go on let you know when they happens.
Comment from innerworlds
Encapsulation..what a fun word. And it works here!
I like the break in the action from previous chapters to give a summation of the enemy's abilities and deficits. It helps the reader, as well as the soldiers.
Nice work, as always! Wouldn't change anything!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Encapsulation..what a fun word. And it works here!
I like the break in the action from previous chapters to give a summation of the enemy's abilities and deficits. It helps the reader, as well as the soldiers.
Nice work, as always! Wouldn't change anything!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Oh, bless you, Randi. Sixes make me want to dance. I'm getting kinda tired of the speeches, frankly and want to get on with it, but I know it IS necessary for the action several chapters hence. You'll have to keep it in mind that I said that (cause I can't say more) Thanks again... and again... and again.
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Okay, here's my blog schedule at this point:
Thursday and Friday I'm scheduled to meet with my IT guy for two four-hour sessions. I will be learning everything I need to know to run the blog on my own at home. Mr. I.T. will host the blog on his site, plus I will have it on 'wordpress', as well. Being fairly computer illiterate, it's crucial that I understand the ins and outs of online technology. I'm fortunate to have his help.
The blog is titled "Wellington's World". The first chapter is about 15 pages, but I need to find out the best way to pace that online (all of it once a week, one or two entries per week, etc.). I'm thinking that since the pages are geared to elementary level kids and their families, one or two entries per week (one to three pages?) would be best, but I'll wait for his suggestions before organizing it that way.
The first chapter will show children what it is like to fly on an airplane. Each page includes photo of either Wellington participating in the subject, or it has info plus a photo of a type airplane.
Each page will also include either a website that the children can go to for more information... or it will have a project the family can do together. Some of them contain video clips to watch, as well.
Right now I'm waiting for a young woman to schedule a photo op with me so I can gear the idea of planes and pilots to young girls.(She is the youngest female pilot in our local area and has already won many honors.) The topic will also include information on women pilots throughout U.S. history, and anything else I can find that would help to empower young girls.
So... what I will be sending is a portion of that first chapter for you to review. I know you are very busy, but your opinion matters a great deal to me. Whenever it fits into your schedule, I would appreciate your help. There is no pressure. If you decide it's worth posting, I would very much appreciate your offer of having Wellington's info appear on your twitter account. (What a very kind and encouraging offer!!!!).I'll give you the site info after Friday.
Jay, you are an inspiration to me. I can't tell you how much that means. Thank you!!!!
Later 'Tater!
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Do you want my email addy to send something? It's gwsquiresjr@gmail.com. I'd be happy to look at it. Are you going to be trying to get a following of people signing up for your blog? Do you have a Twitter account? The reason for the questions is that Twitter is an excellent way to get followers. I have my blog site's address at the bottom of each tweet and I average about 3 followers a day. I haven't blogged in about 4 months but I have enough archived that every new follower has something to read. Let me know when you sent the sampling of chapter 1 so I can look for it (I don't check my emails daily.
Good luck. Oh, and if you have a chance to read the next several chapters of THE TRINING, I think you'll enjoy it. I've injected some humor.
Blessings,
Jay
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I'll send the chapter to your email. My email is in2thewoods@msn.com. You can send your review there if you like.
I do have a twitter account, but have no idea how to use it. Most of the chatter on it has nothing to do with my interests, but I'll ask my I.T. guy to show me how to use it to my advantage.
My internet will be temporarily disabled sometime between this Thursday (Nov.6) and Monday of next week, so I won't be on Fanstory during that time, nor will I be able to send you the chapter until the Fiber Op is up and working again. It shouldn't be later than next Tuesday, though.
I'll get in as much reviewing as I can manage tonight. I want you to get that reviewer award this month!!!!
Thanks for being so awesome!!!
Randi
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I got the review award last month. They're not likely to give it to me again. But, thanks. I'm posting the next chapter this afternoon, but you'd need to read the preceding one before it to have it make any sense. There may be some SPAG in it, but I'm kind of proud of the content.
Thanks, I'll be waiting for the chapter after Thursday.
Jay
