Farewell
The end of depression37 total reviews
Comment from Janie King
This is a well-written poem woth much food for thought. I'm not a poet so I never try to review on poetic style as my ignorance would soon show. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
  |
This is a well-written poem woth much food for thought. I'm not a poet so I never try to review on poetic style as my ignorance would soon show. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from sweetthanesue
I enjoyed this verse...depression is common these days and I like the uplifting words of hope created in this ..thanks for "author's notes" and visual nice...sue
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
I enjoyed this verse...depression is common these days and I like the uplifting words of hope created in this ..thanks for "author's notes" and visual nice...sue
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from rama devi
Love the joy and sense of expansiveness of this, as well as the deep serenity and feeling of relief. Sweet! Masterfully crafted RONDEAU with flawless meter and great rhymes. Lots of fine phonetics, I loved the alliteration of F and D and L in the first five lines, especially (especially D):
Farewell despair, I bid you, flee,
My grim, destructive enemy.
For love looks on with out-stretched hand
Awaiting my defensive stand;
Depression, drown in calm's deep sea!
Superb consonance of S as well.
Favorite lines:
I see the fruit-filled living tree
And taste the gift - serenity.
Now I've escaped from hate's command;
I feel the roots of peace expand.
Superb rhymes, superb consonance o L and T, S and soft C.
SUPERB meaning and tone.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
 |
Love the joy and sense of expansiveness of this, as well as the deep serenity and feeling of relief. Sweet! Masterfully crafted RONDEAU with flawless meter and great rhymes. Lots of fine phonetics, I loved the alliteration of F and D and L in the first five lines, especially (especially D):
Farewell despair, I bid you, flee,
My grim, destructive enemy.
For love looks on with out-stretched hand
Awaiting my defensive stand;
Depression, drown in calm's deep sea!
Superb consonance of S as well.
Favorite lines:
I see the fruit-filled living tree
And taste the gift - serenity.
Now I've escaped from hate's command;
I feel the roots of peace expand.
Superb rhymes, superb consonance o L and T, S and soft C.
SUPERB meaning and tone.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Awww sweet friend, a six from you is something treasured!! This means a great deal to me and I really appreciate your detailed thoughts. Much love back at you. JL
-
Big hugs!
Comment from 24chas
Another great poem, JL. I really like your word choices in this one. It touched on being formal, but also very modern. Awesome.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
Another great poem, JL. I really like your word choices in this one. It touched on being formal, but also very modern. Awesome.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
You know me, never have learned to get away from formal. I love the sound of it. Thanks so much, friend.
Comment from DonandVicki
Very nicely constructed rondeau. I would have to say the best that I have reviewed in quite some time. Good rhythm and rhyme to your work. Don
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
Very nicely constructed rondeau. I would have to say the best that I have reviewed in quite some time. Good rhythm and rhyme to your work. Don
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Thank you so much, Don. Really appreciate those wonderful words of review.
Comment from Pilot2Pen
Poems with restrictive forms often take on a forced feeling because of the need to satisfy the restrictions of the form. "Farewell" fits the form to a tee and flows effortlessly from line to line and stanza to stanza. The rhyming is done so well not a single word seems forced.
I loved the line: "O Light, shine bright, I reach for thee
From this cold world of misery." It just rolls off the tongue.
Remarkably well done and worthy of six stars.
Ken
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
Poems with restrictive forms often take on a forced feeling because of the need to satisfy the restrictions of the form. "Farewell" fits the form to a tee and flows effortlessly from line to line and stanza to stanza. The rhyming is done so well not a single word seems forced.
I loved the line: "O Light, shine bright, I reach for thee
From this cold world of misery." It just rolls off the tongue.
Remarkably well done and worthy of six stars.
Ken
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Wow, I'm very humbled by your words. I thank you so very much.
Comment from Paddywack
Hi Dawn. Excellent verse, beautifully executed. It is amazing how much having a grandchild can affect your mood. I say this, because it does for me. And how wonderful to bid farewell to despair with a joyous heart! I think I get 'Awaiting my defensive stand' as the black dog barking, yes? That was the part, not immediately obvious, and it doesn't quite work (for me)
Love your work, and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
Hi Dawn. Excellent verse, beautifully executed. It is amazing how much having a grandchild can affect your mood. I say this, because it does for me. And how wonderful to bid farewell to despair with a joyous heart! I think I get 'Awaiting my defensive stand' as the black dog barking, yes? That was the part, not immediately obvious, and it doesn't quite work (for me)
Love your work, and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Well depression is a foe, one that you must fight, that's what the defensive stand means, to not let it have control but to fight. Thanks for the great review.
Comment from Loren (7)
I was not familiar with this form of poetry but you've looked to handle it very well, not to mention the powerful message it delivers in the gloved hand of a poet,
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
I was not familiar with this form of poetry but you've looked to handle it very well, not to mention the powerful message it delivers in the gloved hand of a poet,
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
OH thanks so much for the encouraging words.
Comment from MarjorieAnne
These emotionally charged stanzas present a skillful example of an unusual poetic form with unifying rhyme and repetition. For possible improvements, I'd omit the comma after "you" in L1; change "awaiting" to "confirming" or "strengthening"; and change "the" to "your" before "healing land".
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
These emotionally charged stanzas present a skillful example of an unusual poetic form with unifying rhyme and repetition. For possible improvements, I'd omit the comma after "you" in L1; change "awaiting" to "confirming" or "strengthening"; and change "the" to "your" before "healing land".
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
I'll give those ideas some thought, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
-
You're welcome
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Dawn,
This is one of the most powerful poems I have read on this site. Technically, it is faultless. It's rhyme and metre fill it with life and your treatment of the subject is amazingly insightful. Well worth the score.
Best regards
Reg
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
|
Dear Dawn,
This is one of the most powerful poems I have read on this site. Technically, it is faultless. It's rhyme and metre fill it with life and your treatment of the subject is amazingly insightful. Well worth the score.
Best regards
Reg
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
-
Wow, I'm speechless. A six from you means a great deal to me. Thank you so much, it is truly appreciated.