Revision 6: final draft
Eight Simple Rules for Marrying my Daughter
Prepared for Joshua Alan Myers in consideration
of marriage to Kristina Rene Barton
1. Submit bodily fluid sample of lab technicians’ choice for creating
your DNA profile which will be used to determine if you have any
“undesirable” markers That would preclude your contribution
to my grandchildren's gene pool.
2. Surrender to the law enforcement office of your choice in order to
submit fingerprints for your criminal background check. At the same
time, you will be given a drug screening test to see if you are
eligible to continue this elimination process.
3. After copious amounts of meticulous research, godly revelation and
personal reflection, compile an exhaustive list of all character traits
that you see exhibited in Kristina that you realize are excellent and
a realistic portrayal of the exemplary child rearing skills obviously
mastered and employed by her incomparable parents.
4. Acknowledging that the aforementioned character traits are of
incredible value; calculate the monetary appraisal of said assets and
submit dossiers for evaluation as to appropriateness in the ongoing process
of determining your obligatory financial responsibility for bridal dowry.
5. Swear on a stack of King James Bibles that you will never move my
daughter and any subsequent grandchildren more than 15 minutes from
Kathy and me (no matter where we may choose to live).
6. Before any and all major purchases, ($50 or more), submit requisition
request three weeks in advance of proposed purchase date for evaluation
as to: need assessment, appropriateness of item, determinate value,
parental desirability, and ultimately a resolution as to acceptance or
rejection of requisition request.
7. Be prepared to be known for the rest of your life as:
“Dan Barton's son-in-law”
and
“Joshua Barton--Myers”
8. Disregard all the frivolity that is numbers 1-- 7!
Josh, Kristina is my only daughter and she is my baby. I want you to know
that she is very, very precious to her mother and me. She's not perfect,
but she has been and is an incredible daughter. Kristina is an
amalgamation of STRONG woman TENDER-HEARTED girl and
GORGEOUS Princess. The request for her hand in marriage is a profound
moment in my life, however; it is NOT a moment I have looked forward to.
I have watched young men come and go around my daughter and most
have not measured up to our standards
You Josh, however; are the exception.
We know a little about your family and we trust your father's heart.
We have talked to our fantastic son and incredible daughter-in-law
about you. Jason Abby Alexis and Alana are thrilled with the prospects
of you joining our crazy little family.
We have watched with intense interest as you and Kristina have navigated
the waters of friendship then transitioned into the dating relationship
and now we see the depth of your respect and love for each other.
We have been anticipating that this bond
would be further established in the permanent act of marriage.
I have a list of expectations for you as Kristina's husband:
Lead your family in becoming fully committed followers of Christ.
· Be faithful to her through life's challenges.
· Cherish her as you would a precious jewel.
· Have fun together.
My pledge to you:
. I will love and cherish you as a son, we will be family.
. I will work to build a relationship that transcends position.
· I will not interfere with your home.
· I will not take sides against you as an individual, but I will take your
side collectively as a couple.
· I will not give you unasked for advice.
· All asked for advice will be for consideration, and will not be given
with expectation that it will be followed.
· I will continue to pray for you, Kristina and your family every day
of your life.
I have Talked to Kristina about you, Josh; she loves you very much. I believe,
(if I say yes to you, and you ask her to will marry you,) she will say YES.
Joshua Alan Myers, my answer to you is YES
Kathy and I would be honored to give our daughter,
Kristina Renee Barton to you in holy matrimony.
___________________________
Dr. Daniel R. Barton, Dad
___________________________
Notary Public
Author Notes
For several weeks I knew Josh was going to ask my permission to marry Kristina. I worked on this spoof which was a takeoff on John Ritter's television show that was popular at the time. Revision number six became the final draft. I did have it notarized before I met with him.
This is a recent picture of Josh, Kristina, and their three children. They have been married for nearly 15 years and are very much in love. Kathy and I could not be happier with our son-in-law.
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