I sat on my deck staring out at the lake
drinking Jack Daniel’s whiskey with my Salisbury steak
hamburger hiding in gravy does not a steak make
the Tennessee fire water so easy to take
it didn’t take long before my mind started to bake
one more swig of my drink that bit with a bite
building my courage to dial up a lady of the night
high-heel stilettos and fish net nylons such a delightful sight
one aromatic whiff of my scent and she fled with a fright
tempted to give chase but not wanting a fight
a sniff of my pits revealed that I was skunky
it certainly didn’t help that I am quite chunky
regrettably and unavoidably my job as a grease monkey
had made me smell quite ripe and a little bit funky
she must have thought that I was a skanky rank junkie
more shots of that fiery whiskey and my anger began to bubble
taking off my clothes I revealed more than just my chin stubble
revealing the flabbiness of my arms, belly and booty pubble
I poured the Salisbury gravy over my body and sucked down a double
it was time for a little midnight prime slime time trouble
I ran down the street screaming bigfoot lives in my loudest hail
the brown gravy covering my body all the way down to my tail
my booze clouded mind making my feet sail
once the police arrived I found myself in need of bail
happy grinning neighbors clapping as I was hauled off to jail
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