Excellent a short story Random Rhyme and Petty Prose : Cut by Bill Schott

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language. Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of sexual content. "We both saw it. Something that looked like a saucer was hovering above the barn." "I don't know if that's what we saw, Chet." "What?" Chet looked at Nel with alarm. He had just told the sheriff they had sighted an unidentified flying object while canoodling on a hay wagon parked in Nel's family's corn field. "Of course, that's what we saw. What else looks like a flying - well - saucer?" "It could have just been a weather balloon like those folks saw out there in Roswell," said the sheriff. Nel looked at the sheriff a bit closer and turned towards Chet. "He doesn't look like a sheriff, Chet." Chet took another look at the sheriff. No clothing, pencil-neck, big goofy eyeballs, and a star cut from paper with the word 'SHAREFF' hand-written on it and hanging around his neck with yarn. "You know what, Nel? Maybe those were weather balloons we saw." Looking at the sheriff, "I'm sure it was. Hundred percent." "Cut! Cut! Okay that will be all for this morning. Chet, make sure the property department takes in that waste band. You look like you've got a beer gut. Nel, terrific job, as always. See me in my trailer later. Bring sponges and a bottle of Snaphoolop." "Hey, Chet!" called Fensillid, better known on set as the sheriff. "Listen, I know Nel's character sees that I'm not human, but, other than that, did Nel see something wrong with me?  Was my star crooked?" "She didn't say anything to me, Fens. It may have been that big bulge between your legs." Fensillid looked down. "Dick?" The bulge opened up and a miniature version of Fensillid emerged. "You rang?" "You'll need to sleep elsewhere when I'm filming. You are a distraction to others." "I'll bet that whore Nel said something," accused Dick. "Leave Nel out of this, Dick," said Chet. "Zip it, Chet, or they will need to replace you with someone with a face." "Okay, Dick," said Fensillid.  "Look, you need to chill. No one has to lose face." "He sounded very threatening. I almost expectorated in my scrotum," said Chet.  "No, Chet," said Dick. You cannot spit in your nut sack. How long have you been on Earth anyway?" "Is this Earth? No wonder this play is so bad. I was supposed to be in Guys and Dolls on Europa." "How are you this dumb, Chet?" asked Dick. "I wish everyone would stop calling me Chet. My name is Repulsive." "I wonder if Chet is on Europa?" thought Fensillid aloud.  Dick laughed.  "He's probably spitting in his scrotum by now." Everyone laughed.        Author Notes Image from Google

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