FanStory.com - Utterly Alone by Gypsy Blue Rose
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Haibun Suite for the Club (Warning: suicide topic)
Utterly Alone by Gypsy Blue Rose
Poem of the Month contest entry
If You Would Like To Join the Japanese Poetry Club, please check my author notes



I reached the end of my unemployment and after many interviews, my rejection letters could wallpaper my bedroom. I moved in with my family but that didn’t work out and I ended up homeless. Out of choices, I found myself sitting at a little cafe in an off-grid tiny town.  All I had with me were ten dollars, one change of clothes, and a full bottle of antidepressant medicine. I swallowed all my pills and sailed into darkness. 


cold darkness descends
over hazy bare boughs —
blood-red soil hills
 

Intermittent memories of paramedics and vomit taste, “what did you take?” I let go and returned to darkness.  Somehow I woke up in a hospital room thinking I was in hell and realizing I didn’t want to die. I grabbed my nurse’s arm and asked her, “Am I going to die?” she said, “No, you are going to be alright.”  An interfaith priest visited briefly and I asked him if I was going to hell. He said no and not to worry. I closed my eyes serene and exhausted. 


Grass Valley’s sunrise
of violet, amber, and pink —
blue iris of hope
 

Discharged from the hospital, I traveled miles away from my kids. I lay on the gurney defeated and terrified not knowing where I was going. The paramedic was a comedian but I’m sure he meant well. When we arrived he held my hand and soberly told me, “things will get better”.


over barren hills
with destination unknown —
utterly alone


 


 

Recognized

Author Notes
Non-Fiction ***National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255***

PROSE WORD COUNT = 77/92/51
IRIS FLOWERS symbolize hope
PAINTING = Close of Day by Steve Henderson

HAIBUN-Guidelines for English Haibun by Haiku Society of America
TENSE = Written both in present and in past tense. SUBJECT MATTER = Autobiographical prose, travel journal, slice of life, memory, dream short sketch of a person, place, event, object. TRADITIONAL TOPICS = Life as a journey, love affairs, illness, human concerns & experiences. POINT OF VIEW = Written in first person (everything seen through the author's eyes), third person (he/she), or first person plural (we). TONE Consistent, sets a mood, imagery, concrete details, no abstractions. LENGTH = Varies from very brief (1-2 sentences) with one haiku, to long prose entries with interspersed haiku. PROSE in Haibun tells the story, gives information, defines the theme, creates a mood and provides a background to spotlight the haiku. HAIKU Moves the story forward, adds insight or another dimension to the prose and resolves conflict. PROSE is the narrative and haiku is the revelation or the reaction. more information

If you would like to join the Japanese Poetry Club click here and look for it on the list of clubs. Let me know if I can help.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review my poem.

Gypsy

     

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