By SimianSavant
While this writing entry complies with the written stipulations of the contest, if you are currently eating dessert, it is recommended that you conclude dining prior to continuing.
* * *
It was a nice party. A few Luke 14:24 people hadn't showed because it seemed in poor taste to throw a party for a baby.
But it was a nice family, the Rincaryans, and they'd thrown nice parties before with nice cakes and there was a chocolate cake this year so everyone who liked cake came.
One fellow there, Teddy, swore he wouldn't eat chocolate. He was on the paleo diet and didn't eat those sorts of foods, and he kept telling everyone that chocolate was bad for them. But in the end they begged him to have a piece and he did. Everyone had a big piece. Chris had two pieces.
It was almost time to open the presents when someone said that there was something wrong with the chocolate frosting. Most people hadn't eaten much of the frosting -- just Chris and Ben -- but they all agreed it wasn't chocolate. It didn't smell quite right. The baby had pooped on the cake.
The Rincaryan parents added some additional cream cheese frosting on top, and begged everyone to stay and eat more cake. And most of them did.
Everyone went home and got food poisoning. Later when they thought about it, they realized they'd known all along there was poop in the cake. But they liked cake better than health food.
The Republican party was over.
* * *
In order to satisfy the word requirement for this entry, and to explain the historical references from five years ago underlying this fiction (based on real events), here is some additional context.
Three years before the 2016 US Presidential election, Time Magazine had put Chris Christie on its front cover in side profile, backlit so as to not show any facial features, and in a peculiar animalistic pose befitting the title: "The Elephant in the Room". This was, clearly, a joke about both his literal and figurative weight in addition to him being a Republican. Early during the primary, Christie attacked Trump sharply, but also defended him at times.
Christie and Ben Carson were two of the first Republican candidates to get behind Trump, while Ted Cruz was the highest profile holdout. At the Republican convention, as a keynote speaker, he told listeners to "vote your conscience on Election Day". He was widely attacked for this, treated as a traitor among much of the Republican base. Trump made disparaging comments about his wife's physical appearance. Eventually, before the general election was decided, Cruz reversed course and got behind Trump.
Rince Priebus was the chair of the Republican party. In the first Republican debate, the moderator asked for a show of hands for who would promise to support whoever the nominee was, and all of them raised their hands except for Trump. Trump said it would depend on whether he was treated fairly. Later, he said that he had been treated well -- an acknowledgment of Rince's role in Trump's victory.
As the party coalesced around Trump, they continued to ignore incident after incident: Mocking women for their looks. Attacking Gold Star families. Then the Access Hollywood tape with Billy Bush came out. Many conservatives denounced Trump and swore they would not vote for him. It was too much.
In the end, most of them locked their nasal passages, and did as they were told. Four years later, Republicans lost both the Senate and the White House.
If this story upset your stomach, good. Cake is bad for your health. Perhaps you will thank me later.
Written in October 2016
| Author Notes |
Yes I understand that this upset you. It was supposed to.
Disqualified by the CDC for breaking an unwritten rule that was not part of the contest terms. Anyone know what it was? For submitting this piece, Harambe received a threatening message from the Zookeeper and his profile was muted. For something that was ACTUALLY written to be disqualified, see Enter the Rhinegeist. For further commentary on censorship, check out Alimony and Reverse Epiphany. |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes |
Apparently the 45th President watched Shark Week and was not a fan. This is a 5-7-5 parody of a film review.
"The Committee sincerely regrets to inform you that your entry, JAWS, has been removed from the MOVIE REVIEW HAIKUcontest. The sponsor stated clearly in the rules that entries need to be written as a movie review." |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes | The image is an screenshot of the DJT stock ticker as of right now (March 27, 2024 after hours) |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes |
I took the following pictures from inside Trump Tower in Chicago yesterday, which seemed appropriate for this piece: an advertisement for massage treatments, and a beautiful shelf full of fake books.
Other works on Trump: DJT is ↑ Party Pooper Jaws Other works on Biden: Suffer the Little Children Afghani Love Affair Homage Constipated |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes | Image from a free AI art forum |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes | image by Dezgo AI |
By SimianSavant
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
| Author Notes | opensource image edited by author |
By SimianSavant
| Author Notes | image from here |
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