By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This is a revealing of truths which I hope this book conveys. This the only place that's safe to do so...I think. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is the first chapter in an auto bio called "Ghost." It can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read. Please note: some chapters are difficult reader discretion is advised.
***Picture Google search*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio if you wish to read. Please note, some chapters are hard to digest. Reader discretion is advised.
Picture by Google search |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | Picture by "Instagram" |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | The story is part of an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio. If you wish to read, please note some chapters are difficult to absorb reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
A chapter in the book "Ghost".
An auto bio. A story of becoming...a mold made to set the stage of who and why. ***Picture by Pinterest*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is part of an autobio in a book called "Ghost".
***Picture by Lea Tonin*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story is part of an auto-bio called "Ghost" currently being worked on. Thanks for stopping by to read!
***Picture is myself aged 7*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story will be part of an autobio I'm writing called "Ghost". This can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read. Thank you to everyone who's read and supported me so far. I am more than greatful and more than anyone knows.
***Picture by Pinterest*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is part of a book an auto bio called "Ghost" . It is a work in progress not yet complete. But can my portfolio feel free to read if you wish, thank you for stopping in!
***Picture by Instagram*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This is an absolutely true story within a story wound up in a series of events at that time.
The larger picture can be found in my book called "Ghost". Welcome to my story.....nice to have you along! |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an autobio I'm writing the called "Ghost". Please Feel free to read but also note it can be a hard read for some. Reader discretion is advised.
|
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is part of a book I'm writing called "Ghost" an auto bio of the life of abused children. I caution you, it's a hard read, but things must be said. Feel free to peruse my book and the chapters within at any time. I thank you for visiting and reading.
***Picture by Pinterest*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Suddenly I was awake
I knew I wasn't in my bed in my room. My head was swimming in mud, I couldn't get my eyes open. So I listened to the room around me. I could hear bells and dinging sounds. The smell of antiseptic was thick in the air. And then it all came barrelling back. I was in the hospital ICU. My eyes snapped open and immediately my mind was bombarded by a fast-running film that was plunging full tilt across my mind's eye! Fast-motion scenes of people, places, things and even animals! Bright colours, shining bright colours! I didn't understand what was going on. And then there it was showing itself, a series of events that brought me here.
I saw myself with a Bacardi and 7, handfuls of pills one after the other. The 3rd handful was the last thing I recall...except the despair. The deep crippling despair that brought me to my knees.
I open my eyes....like a snap the movie in my mind began to fast forward. Flashing, flashing quicker and faster faces people, places animals objects and things I've never seen before. There was nothing I could do to stop it. It was going to play out whether I liked it or not.
I knew it I was being rushed along almost faster than I could go.
I panicked and thought to myself," Oh Jesus I fucked up my brain big time!" "I've done it! I've messed up things forever and I'm just gonna be a no mind for the rest of my days!
I had no control and felt the movie is going to go on! It felt as though I was gonna go flying off into the abyss and that would be the end of me! I panicked and screamed out in my head as loud as I could "Stop!!"
And it stopped... the movie was still there but as if on pause and was just like the whole room of people suddenly looked up at me at once. I thought to myself "There's no way I'm telling the doctor about this! No freaking way! They will lock me up forever and that'll be it for me, I'll be done. Cooked!"
All this in a mere few seconds. It set my heart to thumpin' hard. Then I heard, "Oh look, sleeping beauty's awake" I looked up and saw the slightly bored expression of the ICU nurse. Glancing around I could see tubes from every portion of my body. In the crooks of my arms, the backs of my hands, both sides of my neck. Don't know about the tubes going under the blanket. I wasn't quite sure what they did. And the worst, of course, was the tube in my chest helping me breath
The sensation was terrible and I could feel panic rise in me again. I kept pointing to the tube I'm looking at the nurse and finally, she came and removed it in what seemed like forever. Once I was released from the straps, I badly needed to use the toilet or so I thought. I didn't think to say anything. So I just hopped up to go and said nothing else when the nurse raised her voice to me. "Ma'am, I told you not to get out of bed!" As I landed on the floor. I couldn't walk you see. Much of what I did before I couldn't do but mostly it was about walking. Back into the bed, we went a trusty bed Pan to boot. Innately I knew always, in the corner of my mind, I'm aware of the movie that wants to start playing again. Great, great, great, just great. This is great! Yeah, fruit cake isle 7 is right behind the nuts! We've lost it. We have lost it for sure! The brain's mush... it's official.
I'll fake my way out of here and go live in the forest. No one will have to listen to me lose it. Whatever it was in my head, it waited respectfully for me to watch the film once more.
It wasn't long before the doctor came to see me. He wanted to talk about the events that led up to this. No matter the story, despair is despair and when you feel as if there's nothing left you're family is gone, your friends are dying and a lousy genetic defect affecting the
balance of chemicals in your mind causes me to have this terrible depression and if you combine it with outside influences it becomes tenfold. I hung on as long as I could and as best as I could and then...... I couldn't.
The doctor moving briskly as they do nowadays. Not enough medical staff to be had so he quickly ran through his notes. "When you came in, you weren't in good shape. We had to intubate you and do chest compressions to bring you back". And I said, "Bring me back? How long was I gone?" Doc said, "You were non-responsive for one minute and 9 seconds.
You're lucky to be here." The doctor pushed his glasses back up on his nose and said, "Let's not do that again OK? And walked out of the room.
The next few days, I learned how to get in and out of my bed again using my legs and a walker. I thought, if I could make it to the bathroom all on my own, I was good to go....not.
Since I woke up I had this feeling of being crowded. That I was in a room full of people that were all pressing up against me. Always, out the side of my eye, somebody was there with me, all the time walking with me. Finally, the day came when they put me in a regular ward deemed well enough to come out of the place where people die.
I was getting used to that ever-present feeling of someone with me and sometimes the feeling of an overcrowded room. I would see someone right out the side of my eye and Just flip right out of my vision before our eyes made contact. Whatever it was in my head it waited respectfully for me to watch the film once more.
I attributed it all to my growing list of proof that I was going nuts. Inside my head, I pulled out a chalkboard and wrote nuts or not nuts columns. The nuts column is winning.
To a regular ward, I went into an area where a middle-aged man sat watching TV and a large old lady holding a mug of tea.....just sort of standing there when the loudest fart, I mean the largest fart I've ever heard in my life blasted out. I swear it shook the building!
I tapped the man on his shoulder and I said, "Oh God, did hear that? That was the loudest fart I've ever heard in my life! That's a serious trumpet ass!! Better open a window! The lady didn't seem to mind and just kept on sipping her tea. The man sitting below me said, "Which old lady?"The one over there having tea." He said, "I don't see anyone there." Then the colour drained from his face and then mine turned pasty white. He said, "My mother had these terrible farts every morning like clockwork. She would wake up in the morning, let out a huge fart and demand tea"."But my mother's been gone for 6 months." I looked up and the old lady was gone... The man began to cry and I was mortified. Angry with myself that I upset this man. So I ran down the hall to my room pushing My walker ahead of me, pulled the door shut, sat down on the bed and I cried. I cried for two reasons. One because I hurt this man and two in relief because it was the first time I could put a mark on my chalkboard that said, not nuts. I was eventually sent home from the hospital and still, now and again I get a signpost along the way that lets me know I'm not nuts.
I'm not sure what in my mind speaks to me but we'll see. Until then the chalkboard in my head is still on duty...
Some might call it a gift but, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out...
Author Notes |
I come from a family, four generations of intuitive women. Each with their own skill. Each with their own issues that accompany that skill. There are two ways that a person can come about these abilities and that is a genetic predisposition and/or extreme trauma. A controversial subject at best. So take what means something to you and throw away the rest.....
Artwork - Lea Tonin |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | The 1st part of the story begins when I awoke from a coma in the hospital which was on a different contest. It can be found on my profile if you wish called "Becoming" . You're welcome and free to have a look if you're curious. The mystery begins to unfold as we move forward. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing project on a auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost". Can be found on my portfolio if you'd like to read. Thank you everyone for reading. As this is not an easy read and can't be at times disturbing reader discretion definitely advised.. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | A memory in my head of the young girl that occupies space in my head rent free. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This is part of an auto bio. I'm writing called "Ghost" which is currently in my portfolio. Feel free to peruse and read if you wish. Note that it is a unfinished book as of yet, and it's a work in progress.Thank you every one for reading!
*** This story contains disturbing contents reader discretion is advised*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost" which is located on my portfolio. Feel free to read with a cautionary note some parts are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost". It's a work in progress but feel free to read. It's in my portfolio.
A special thank you to everyone for reading along and bearing with me. It is a tough read and reader discretion is definitely advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio and is open for anyone to read. Thank you everyone for coming on this journey with me. Although difficult at times it is a necessary one, please read at your discretion.
***Photo by IStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost" It can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read whenever you wish, please also note this can be hard to read, so reader discretion is definitely advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost." It can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read at any time if you wish
A comment for content. It can be disturbing to read. Reader discretion is advised. ***Photo by Shutterstock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost" and can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read feel free. Caution, some of it is difficult and therefore reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost" which may be found in my portfolio. If you wish to read, you are welcome at any time with a stipulation of reader discretion is advised as some parts can be difficult. |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost" a work in progress. It can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read at any time you wish. One small piece of information, this work can be disturbing to read reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by IStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an ongoing book I'm writing called "Ghost" an auto bio that can be found in my portfolio. If you wish to read, you are welcome to do so. But with one small caution. Parts of it can be hard to read, reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Pinterest*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is just a smidge longer but I think once read, it will be worth it.
This chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio. You're welcome to read if you wish. One caution parts of this can be hard to read, and therefore reader's discretion is advised. ***Picture by Pinterest*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost", it can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read anytime you wish. One word of caution, Some of this can be hard to read, reader discretion is advised.
***Photo by IStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio I'm writing called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read, you are welcome with a small note. Some are chapters are hard to read, reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Google Photos*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | The story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio. If you wish to read, you are more than welcome to do so with one note, some chapters are hard to read, so reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | Lessons learned the hard way. |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio for which I invite you to read at any time you wish. One small caution. Some of these chapters are difficult to read and can be disturbing, reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio for those who would like to read. Feel free to do so with one small caution. Many of these chapters are difficult and may be too much for some. Readers discretion advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The chapter is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost" which can be found in my portfolio. Anyone is welcome to read, should they choose. Just a small caution. Some chapters are difficult to read, reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Google Images*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is a chapter in an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio can be read if you wish. One word of caution, some chapters are difficult to get through reader description is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an ongoing auto file called ghost. It can be found in my portfolio if you'd like to read it just a small note of caution. Some chapters are hard to read reader discretion is advised. The word seen here as "Efer" is like "Do you understand?" And/or get moving "come now" or "get it? |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". Feel free to read it if you wish it's in my portfolio I would have one word of caution and that is, some chapters are hard to read and therefore reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". You can find this and other chapters in my portfolio under the book name, feel free to read anytime you wish. I should say a word of caution that is, some chapters are difficult to read. I would say that reader discretion is advised! |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | The story is from an auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found on my portfolio if you wish to read feel free. With one small word of caution, some of these chapters are hard to read and contain violence. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This is a chapter in an auto bio called "Ghost". You can find this novel
On my portfolio you are welcome to read if you wish to do so. One caution would be that some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
There is a difference between what is known now and what was known then. My 15 year old self registered the strange and cruel things that went on, but didn't connect the dots until much later.
I've lain out some of what's known now. If you wish, there are other chapters in an auto bio called "Ghost" in my portfolio. You are all welcome to read should you wish. One note of caution. Some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost". It can be found in my portfolio if you wish to read. A note of caution, some of these chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost." It can be found in my portfolio and can be read if you wish. A small word of caution some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | The story is part of an ongoing auto bio called "Ghost." It can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read it. You are welcome too. Please note, some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is from an auto bio called "Ghost" Which can be found in my portfolio if you wish to read, one word of caution, some chapters are hard to absorb reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story is part of an auto-bio called Ghost. It can be found in my, portfolio. Feel free to read. A small note of caution. Some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by IStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | Autobio called "Ghost" can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read free one word of caution some chapters are hard to read, and reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an auto bio called "Ghost." It can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read. One note of caution, some chapters are hard to get through reader discretion is advised.
***picture from iStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of an auto bio called "Ghost", it can be found in my portfolio if you wish to read. Please note, some of it can be hard to get through reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Lea Tonin*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | Called "Ghost, it can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read it a word of caution. Some chapters are difficult to read. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an autobile called"Ghost" it can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read it. You are welcome to do so. A word of caution. Some chapters are hard to read. Reader discretion advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of a auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my. Portfolio should be wished to read, please note. Some chapters are difficult, reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Instagram*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This story is part auto bio called Ghost. It can be found on my portfolio if you wish to read. Please note, some chapters are hard to absorb reader discretion is advised |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
The story is part of an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found on my portfolio. If you wish to read. To digest reader discretion is advised.
***Image from IStock*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio. You're welcome to read if you wish, please note. Some chapters are hard to digest. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of a auto bio that can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read if you wish with one word of caution. Some chapters are difficult to digest Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an auto bio called ghost. It can be found in my portfolio. Feel free to read if you wish this one caution. Some chapters are hard to digest reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This chapter is part of a auto bio calls ghost which can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read please note some chapters are hard radar discretion is advised.
***Picture by Instagram*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
Please note this chapter is part of an autobio called Ghost and can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read it. Please note, there are some chapters that are difficult to read. Reader discretion is advised.
***Picture is myself with my dogs just this past summer*** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is from an auto bio called ghost. It can be found in my portfolio. If he were shred, please note; Some chapters are hard to digest. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter's from an auto bio called Ghost. It's in my portfolio if you wish to read you are welcome. Please note; Some chapters are difficult to Absorb reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is from a auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio. If you wish to read, please note some chapters are difficult to absorb reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes | This chapter is part of an auto bio called Ghost. It can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read. A small note of caution, some chapters are hard to absorb. Reader discretion is advised. |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
This story is part of an auto bio Called ghost it can be found in my portfolio for those who wish to read. Some chapters are hard to digest reader's discretion is advised.
****Watch our for book 2**** *******SPECTRE******** |
By Lea Tonin1
Author Notes |
I want to take this time to thank everyone for reading along with me!
It was a difficult journey, both for the writer and the reader. I clasp my hands together and bow to you all honored and humbled by all your amazing support! Last but not least to Fanstory for providing the platform and the means in which to do so. ***Picture painted by Lea Tonin 2016*** |
You've read it - now go back to FanStory.com to comment on each chapter and show your thanks to the author! |
© Copyright 2015 Lea Tonin1 All rights reserved. Lea Tonin1 has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
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